Dream in Darkness
by shellebean
Summary: Set in Eclipse...The fight with Victoria and her newborn vampire army goes horribly wrong. What will become of Bella and the Cullens? Jasper x Bella fanfic...Rated M
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This is my first published fanfic. This is dedicated to my fanfic friend NusiainForks, who encouraged me long ago. I have been working on a couple of stories but this one is screaming at me. It will eventually be Jasper and Bella but it will be a steady buildup. If you are not a big Jasper x Bella fan, you may want to hit the back button. Let me know what you think. I will try to update weekly but sometimes real life may get in the way.

Obviously I am not Stephenie...I just like to play with Jasper ;0) The beginning in italics is a direct quote from Eclipse so I am giving credit where it is due.

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_I found myself with my back pressed against the sheer cliff face. Edward stood in front of me, holding a posture that I knew at once._

_Relief washed through my mind at the same time that my stomach dropped through the soles of my feet._

_I'd misunderstood._

_Relief---nothing had gone wrong in the clearing._

_Horror---the crisis was here._

_Something was coming for us. _

My back was pressed against the towering stone wall behind me where Edward had left me only moments before. I couldn't press myself back any farther into the barrier as the terrifying scene unfolded before my eyes. The wind was whipping around my head and my eyes were filled with tears as my hair blew wildly about me, slapping me in the face. I was swiping at my eyes with my sleeves so I could see better but even then I didn't trust my human eyes. I was certain of one thing, the scene that was playing out was worse than any horror movie Hollywood could create.

Seth was battling very valiantly before me against the male vampire who Victoria had called Riley. He gripped the vampire by the arm and pulled suddenly to the left, taking the limb with him. Riley instantly shot forward swinging his remaining arm at Seth's neck. The sandy colored wolf danced sideways avoiding contact from the enraged vampire. It seemed he was gaining the upper hand and my mind shifted to the other fight that was taking place closer to the tree line in the distance.

A flicker of red was dancing with a shock of bronze. It was a battle as old as time, a battle for love. One side was fighting for a love lost to death and the other for love finally found. Edward appeared to have caught up to Victoria before she made it into the dark trees. He was circling her as she danced away from him. They were a confusing, twisting blur of movement and I could only catch glimpses of color – red then bronze then red again. I was extremely frustrated that I couldn't follow the deadly dance more closely. I didn't allow myself to cry aloud for fear that I would miss something important, as if by keeping my eyes trained on them I could actually will Edward to victory.

I heard a keening following by an otherworldly screech to my left where the young werewolf was battling the newborn vampire. I glanced anxiously at them trying to ascertain who was winning that battle. Seth pulled back a few steps and Riley surged forward toward the wolf and I realized that Seth had Riley's other arm in his jaws this time. He skillfully skittered sideways before the vampire could reach him. Before I could follow the movement, he was behind the unlucky Riley pushing him forward to the ground. Once the vampire was on the ground, a growling Seth placed two of his huge furry paws on Riley's back and locked onto his neck with his iron jaws. He merely flicked his head to the side and with another loud keening sound Riley simply ceased to exist.

When I turned my attention back to Edward and Victoria, my heart plummeted. She had somehow gained the upper hand and had Edward on the ground as she straddled his prostrate form, her knees pinning his arms to the ground. He turned his beautiful face to me and the anguish that was evident in his beautiful features brought me to my knees. Terror gripped my body as I felt the hole in my chest open up again. I opened my mouth to cry out to him but my voice would not work. My vision blurred as I saw her pull Edward's head from his body and cast it over her right shoulder. She rose and stepped to the side, and pulled a lighter from her pocket. I shuddered as despair fully overtook my soul as she set my love on fire.

The next sound I heard was a horrifying wail. Loud and inconsolable, it filled the entire area where we were. I realized with a start that the sound was actually coming from deep inside me. Victoria turned to me with a smile playing on her lips. My vocal chords once again became dormant as the sound from within me ended with a whoosh. She began to move painfully slow toward me, reveling in the torture I was now experiencing. She paused briefly to pick up Edward's head and to my horror, throw it in the roaring fire behind her.

"How does it feel, human? How does it feel to see the love of your life die before your eyes? I only wish he could have seen you die first. But no matter, I will still enjoy killing you," her baby voice warbled toward me.

I saw Seth spring to action as he began running toward her. Out of my peripheral vision, I caught another blur coming from just to the right of Victoria. I vaguely thought that it sort of looked like Jasper. The blur reached Victoria before Seth and with a movement too quick for me to focus on; her head was flung carelessly to the side as her body crumpled to the ground. I raised my eyes to see Jasper standing over her, looking at me with an expression of anger, sympathy and concern.

Jasper turned to Seth and began to shout instructions to him about gathering the pieces of Victoria and Riley. Jasper pulled out a small silver lighter from his front pocket and backed away from Victoria's body. With a small flick of his wrist, he set her on fire. Seth was running in large circles gathering stone like pieces of vampire and bringing them to the funeral pyre Jasper had begun.

Jasper turned his face toward me and began walking forward with his hands held out toward me as if trying to sooth a scared colt. I realized he was afraid he would startle me if he came at me at vampire speed. My tears had suddenly stopped and now I had dark spots dancing before my eyes. I could no longer see Jasper's face clearly and I vaguely realized that my mind was shutting down. As suddenly as it had stopped before, the wailing sound was back and coming from deep within my soul. I saw extreme sorrow cross Jasper's face just as my world went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews and story alerts! The reviews are helpful in letting me know if I am writing successfully so leave me one if you can. I will respond to your reviews.

The Cullens unfortunately belong to Stephenie. I just like bending them to my will.

This chapter is from Jasper's POV. It is basically about the battle in the clearing that Bella cannot see.

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JPOV

As if a gang of blood crazed newborns determined to wipe out Bella and everyone protecting her wasn't bad enough, the Volturi were on their way too. Alice's vision of their arrival shortly after the end of battle had been communicated to Edward via the wolves and the pack mind. Surely, their late arrival wasn't on purpose but I was beginning to doubt their motives just as Carlisle and Edward were. We had no time to focus on this though, it would have to wait.

I realize now that the wait for the battle to begin had seemingly been an ominous foreshadowing of things to come. Quite literally there had been a calm before the storm. The battlefield was eerily quiet as we waited for the newborn vampires to reach us. There was no wind. There was no sound. There was very little movement. Everyone was on edge and looking warily around at everyone else, strong emotions swirled around me. The wolves were not actually in our sightline, they were waiting off to the side in the forest for their group of newborns to make their appearance. However, their feelings were mingling with ours in the air around me. As if on que, the wind began to blow and whip around as if Mother Nature herself felt the need to add something to the impending maelstrom.

When they had caught Bella's scent the newborns had become excited, their goal was near. Upon detecting our scents, they divided just like we hoped they would. Our group of newborns arrived in the clearing and they began to circle and mill in utter confusion sniffing the air around them. The newborns were extremely confused, their attention constantly shifting and trying to refocus on us. Terror spread rapidly among them as soon as they realized they were surrounded. The sounds coming from the forest where the wolves were waiting indicated that group was similarly struggling with their predicament and this definitely was proving advantageous to our side. We were calmer and much more focused, that alone should be enough to ensure us the victory. The battle began as my family fanned out and began to attack. I was trying to keep an eye on the rest of my family as I snapped the head off of the first vampire I reached taking full advantage of his confusion; I finished a second one shortly after. In a split second, I took in the raging battle around me. The fight was going pretty much how I had envisioned it.

Esme and Carlisle were doing very well, not that I had expected anything less. But with Esme and Carlisle's compassionate and caring natures I thought the battle might prove more taxing to them than the rest of us. Both of them valued life so highly, I had momentarily been concerned with how the battle might affect them. They were fighting back to back, watching out for each other. I could definitely feel deep sorrow flowing from them but at the same time the determination appeared to be the driving factor as they fought the newborns in front of them. They knew what had to be done in order to protect the newest member of our growing family, Bella. The love Carlisle and Esme felt for her was equal to what they felt for all of us and this had to be done.

Emmett was, well being Emmett. He had listened well during our fighting lessons and had circled behind his foe before pushing him to the ground and beheading the male vampire quickly. I know he was relieved to finally be doing something about the threat the newborns posed but I also felt sympathy emanating from him. After all he was a real gentle giant with a huge heart. But no one messed with his family and he was drawing tremendous strength from his resolve to protect his loved ones. Emmett had accepted Bella almost as quickly as Alice had. As soon as Edward knew he loved her, so did Emmett. He was just that way. She had become his sister at that very moment and there would never be anything that would sway his resolve to love her too, not even Rosalie's inital disapproval of Bella. I noticed he was strangely quiet but I realized his attention was somewhat divided between his own fight and that of Rosalie.

Rosalie was putting off sheer unadulterated anger as she fought a smaller blond female, probably no older than eighteen. I felt absolutely no sympathy from Rose at all, but I didn't expect it. Rose, while she could be rather shallow and self-absorbed, was truly all about family. Recently she had begun to accept Bella as part of our family; she was becoming her new sister too. She would never understand Bella's desire to give up her humanity even for true love but no one messed with Rose's family. She was fighting for us all, drawing on her protective nature and natural bitchiness which made her an extremely fierce opponent. Rose was absolutely furious at this intrusion into our lives and was determined to make them all pay. I could understand Emmett's concern for his mate as my own attention was somewhat focused on Alice who was just to my left.

My Alice was a beautiful dark blur even to my vampire eyes. Small and lithe her entire being was focused on the small female vampire she was battling. As with the rest of my family, sheer determination was also pouring from her. Her heart was true and giving and once she loved you, it was absolutely for keeps. Alice was dancing forward and back, suddenly on the vampire's left and then on her right. I was glad we were on the same side because Alice was a deceptively deadly, my own little force of nature. I had really meant it when I said she was one scary little monster when we had practiced with the wolves. Even they had admired her fighting skills, she was very lethal for such a small package. Alice's beauty and concentration made me smile just a bit even as I worried for her safety. I doubted anyone would be able to catch her, yet I had one eye on her as I ran toward another male vampire that was approaching.

The wolves were off in the distance handling their own group of newborns and the emotions from that direction would have been crippling to me had I let my mind absorb it. I was trying to block as much as I could since I knew that I needed to remain vigilant as I fought. Carelessness could mean certain death. The wolves' snarls and otherworldly growls were mixed with the screeches and fearful moans of the group of newborns they were attacking. I could feel waves of determination, anger and confidence from the wolves mixed in with a hint of glee. After all, destroying vampires was what they were created for. From the newborns, sheer terror was the dominant and overriding emotion. I could imagine how terrifying the wolves must seem to the newborn's unfocused minds. The horse-sized wolves could make me feel fear and I had known for quite a while that they existed. It was a natural, inborn instinct that no vampire could suppress fully since they were our mortal enemies. Not even Carlisle with his exceptional calm and control could resist feeling nervous around them. I could only imagine that they seemed truly like a living breathing nightmare-come-to-life to the new ones.

The danger appeared to be pretty much over. Emmett, Rose and Alice were already running in large circles to gather the pieces of the decimated vampires and throw them in the fire Emmett had just started. I picked up several pieces near me and made my way to the fire. The wolves were beginning to bring pieces from the forest to the fire too.

"Make sure you get every single piece," I instructed them. "We have to burn them all!" There was round of yaps and growls and I wished Edward was here to interpret the meaning.

I was taking in everyone's wellbeing when I noticed Carlisle with his arms spread to the side and Esme was standing slightly behind him. He was in a protective stance, with wary eyes fixed on a small dark haired female vampire on her knees just before him on the ground. She was swaying and rolling her eyes before him, sheer terror playing across her young features. The sounds coming from her were guttural and almost heart wrenching.

"Jasper," Carlisle called to me. "She has agreed to surrender to us. Can you calm her?"

I am sure confusion was plastered across my face at his statement but I immediately did as he asked sending as much calm as I could muster. Only Carlisle would think to offer a reprieve to someone hellbent on destroying his family. I am not sure I could ever be that noble or forgiving.

Out of the corner of my eye, a movement caught my attention as Alice stopped suddenly and was standing with her hands planted on her temples. She was in the middle of a vision and from the disbelief and horror on her face; it wasn't a particularly good one. Suddenly, Alice was in front of me fisting my shirt in her hands and she began screaming into my face. Terror and sorrow were gripping her and flowing into me now.

"Jasper, you must go to Edward! He's in trouble! Victoria's there! Oh God! Jasper, go! You have to save Bella! He's losing! Please!" Alice was still screaming and was now shaking and sobbing. My heart would have stopped at her words if it were even remotely possible.

I nodded my acceptance, then turning from Alice's face I flew toward where I knew Edward, Bella and Seth were. I was into the trees in just a moment and crashing through the thick undergrowth as fast as I could possibly push my body, taking small trees down in my wake. Jacob's pungent wolf scent was easy to follow and my military mind was already working on possible scenarios and strategies. When I came across Victoria's trail, it was mixed with the scent of another vampire. Two of them, I let my mind focus on this and possible problems that this may cause.

Then the sound reached me. It was the most horrible thing I had ever heard; I felt it as well as I heard it. Nothing in my long existence had ever sounded as forlorn and hopeless as the wailing that reached my ears. I realized it was Bella and I pushed my body harder, wishing for Edward's speed. Then a flurry emotions hit me hard – despair, grief, sorrow and fear. The strongest most negative emotions that exist and they were magnified exponentially. They brought me up short and I stumbled as I tried to push them away so I could function. I stopped momentarily placing my hands on my knees as I refocused my attention on blocking them. Then I could hear Victoria speaking to Bella just beyond me.

"How does it feel, human? How does it feel to see the love of your life die before your eyes? I only wish he could have seen you die first. But no matter, I will still enjoy killing you," Victoria was taunting Bella.

I realized in that moment that I was too late to save Edward but I would be damned if I would let her touch one hair on Bella's head. I would save her. I would save her for Edward. I would save her for Alice. I would save her for Carlisle and Esme. I would save her for Emmett and Rosalie. And I realized with a start, I would save her for me. My newfound resolve combined with grief for my fallen brother pushed me harder and fueled my anger.

I crashed through the tree line. I saw the purple smoke rising from Edward's fallen body and up ahead was the red haired bitch that would die today. It would end here and now. Victoria was so focused on killing Bella that she didn't realize I was closing in on her and Seth was running toward her too, further distracting her. I was closer. I flung my whole body forward and seizing her head between my hands I wrenched it off with a satisfying snap. I stood over Victoria's fallen body gulping in unnecessary air as I let the hatred for her overtake me and then I looked up into Bella's bewildered eyes. Anger, sympathy and concern poured from me but I tried to keep them from physically reaching Bella.

It was then that I noticed the body of the male vampire behind Seth. In my haste to destroy Victoria, I had forgotten about the other vampire's scent but thankfully Seth must have destroyed him before I arrived. The young wolf was watching me warily because I am sure black fury dominated my expression. I took a deep breath before speaking to reign in my fury.

"Seth, we have to burn them! Bring the pieces of that vampire over here. I will start the fire," I yelled to Seth. He immediately sprang into action and began to bring pieces of the other fallen vampire toward me. It was time to set Victoria on fire and pulling my lighter from my pocket, her fate was sealed.

The sheer horror of what Bella had just witnessed dawned upon me. She was eerily quiet and just staring at us. I directed my gift toward her and I felt grief and fear radiating from her. I stretched my hands forward in attempt to send calm to Bella and I began to approach her slowly. Her countenance broke again and suddenly the wailing sound was back in force. The anguish from her very soul was bubbling out of her. I saw her body crumpling under the weight of her loss. I shot forward to catch Bella in my arms just before she hit the ground.

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Just to forewarn you, there are a few more bumps ahead so fasten your seatbelts and put your tray in its full upright locked position! However, this whole story won't be angst there will be some laughs in there too!


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews and alerts. I appreciate the reviews so much. If you like something let me know! It makes me want to write faster, lol.

I still don't own it, and unfortunately the Cullens aren't mine.

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JPOV

I cradled Bella gently in my arms against my chest, as if she were made of spun glass. I had never been this close to Bella before, I hadn't allowed myself. She was small and warm in my cold arms; her long dark hair cascaded over my elbow where her head was resting. Her mind had shut itself completely down so no emotions were coming from her and for that small favor I was thankful. I needed to concentrate. Bella smelled delicious. No, I stopped my thoughts in their tracks. She was not food, she was a member of my family and I could never allow myself to think of her in those terms again.

Seth was approaching us cautiously and I instinctively backed a few steps away from him before I could process his intentions. He whined slightly and tilted his head to the side, looking at me with large expressive eyes. He appeared to be pleading with me. I tested his emotions and felt only sorrow, sympathy and concern. I realized he needed to touch Bella too, he needed to make sure she wasn't hurt. I forced my body to relax and I moved slightly forward to him so he would realize it was ok to come to us.

Seth continued his forward journey and as soon as he reached us, he tentatively touched his black nose to Bella's arm. I forced my face to remain neutral in spite of the awful smell of his fur, he meant no harm. His emotions were absolutely pure and easily read. Seth began to make a noise that sounded somewhat like a whimper, yet it seemed to mean more. Concern was pouring from him and I realized he wanted to know how she was doing.

"She isn't hurt. Well, physically anyways. Her mind just shut down to protect itself," I explained softly to Seth.

He nodded his understanding.

"Seth, can you look in the tent for a blanket? I need to wrap her up so she doesn't go into shock." He again nodded and ran to the tent.

He came back out of the nylon structure dragging an open sleeping bag with him. When he reached me, I noticed with a pang of grief that it smelled of Edward and Bella. It also reeked of Jacob but the scent of my brother and his love brought the reality of today's events to the forefront of my mind. I couldn't allow myself the time to grieve yet, that would have to wait. I needed to get Bella back to the clearing before the Volturi arrived because the Cullens needed to present a united front. I took the sleeping bag from Seth and carefully wrapped it around Bella trying not to jostle her too much.

"Seth, you need to go back to the reservation as soon as possible. Your pack is probably already on its way back. My family and I have something else we need to deal with." I was sure he had to have known of the Volturi's impending visit because of the pack mind.

Seth stepped sideways and shook his head from side to side.

"Please trust me. You need to go now. The others of our kind that are coming do not know of your existence and it's better for your people if we keep it that way. There are a great number more of them than us and we do not want to provoke them," I pleaded with him.

He shifted his eyes from Bella to me quizzically.

"We will take care of her. I promise she will be safe," I answered his silent question.

He studied my face for a moment, and then he nodded his acceptance. Seth turned and began to run at top speed in the direction of the reservation. I watched his sandy colored form disappear into the dark trees.

As far as time is measured on a clock, I hadn't been here all that long. Yet to me it seemed I had already been here an eternity. I nestled Bella's head further into my neck and pulled the sleeping bag closer to face to protect her from the wind. To avoid temptation from her scent, I stopped my breathing. After one last glance toward Edward, I began to run back the way I had come.

I knew that I needed to get back before the Volturi arrived but I couldn't take a chance of injuring Bella so I ran much more carefully through the forest this time. At least I had cleared a path with my body on previous journey. I kept my focus on my cargo as I ran through the trees. At the same time, I was reaching forward with my gift to see if I could sense my family. When I near the trees that surrounded the clearing, I felt them. Alice must have seen the outcome of Victoria and Edward's fight because they knew and they were grieving for their lost son and brother.

I slowed to a walk as I reached the wide open space where we had played baseball so long ago. I met the faces of my family with as much calm as I could possibly project. Just as I had told Seth, the wolves were no longer in the area. Alice approached us first, utter defeat was evident in her posture.

"I just didn't see it in time. I sent you too late." Shaking her head, she was beside herself with sheer grief.

"Alice, it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself." I tried to console her and even though I sincerely meant them, the words just seemed inadequate and hollow.

Carlisle and Esme were upon us next and they were focused on the still human in my arms. Carlisle was immediately in doctor mode, checking Bella's vital signs and checking her for injury. I couldn't bring myself to lay her down on the ground even though it would've been easier for Carlisle to examine her. I didn't want her to feel in any way abandoned or alone.

"Bella doesn't seem to be physically injured. Her mind probably just needs time to absorb the shock of what she's witnessed." Carlisle confirmed my suspicions.

Emmett and Rose were hovering just beyond us, guarding the sole survivor of Victoria's newborn army. The girl was lying on the ground at Emmett's feet next to the fire in a fetal position, still wildly shaking and out of control. Her crimson eyes were darting between us all, her newborn mind shifting from thought to instinct and back again. The smoke from her fallen comrades rose ominously behind her.

"Bella will be ok, in time. Her future still lies with us." Alice assured us. Her eyes anxiously flicked to the opposite side of the clearing.

"When will they arrive?" I asked Alice.

"They should be here in about three minutes. They still are only checking on us at this point. They are curious about the outcome of the battle."

Curious my ass I thought. A growl formed deep in my chest and then it escaped unbidden through my lips. Their timing was definitely questionable. Alice placed her hand on my arm and shook her head. I pulled back my anger and forced myself to focus on everyone around me and it seemed I wasn't the only one who was furious. Anger was the dominant emotion now that the arrival of the Volturi was upon us. I just hoped we could all maintain level heads until they left.

"I think we should let Carlisle speak." Alice stated calmly. "He has the most experience with them."

We all nodded agreement and then we waited in silence. Alice stood quietly to my left with her hand on my arm; Esme was on my right and Carlisle in front of us all. Esme's hand rested lovingly on Bella's leg. Rose came back to stand beside Esme. Emmett stood over the small vampire on the ground keeping his eyes locked on her.

Jane was the first through the trees, cloaked in black. I knew her immediately from Alice's vivid descriptions of the little bitch. She was flanked by three Emmett-sized vampires who were also cloaked in solid black. They looked like they were walking straight out of a human nightmare. I could guess that one of the other monsters was either Demetri or Felix. They came to a stop beside the fire, casting a questioning look toward the small vampire.

"Jane." Carlisle greeted the first vampire. Jane pulled the black hood from her head and took us all in slowly with her crimson eyes. They were calculating and cold. Her air of superiority was not an act; I could feel it as sure as I could feel any other emotion. Jane's eyes stopped on the small vampire on the ground at Emmett's feet.

"Who is this?" she demanded of Carlisle.

"Her name is Bree, she is one of the newborns that we fought against today. She surrendered to us. A prisoner of war if you will."

Jane appeared momentarily at a loss for words. Yes, a definite hint of confusion seeped from her being. She studied Carlisle's face before she spoke. She was probably as amazed at Carlisle's benevolence as I had been. More than likely she viewed it as a weakness whereas I thought it was admirable.

"She will have to be dealt with too. She broke the rules and will have to accept her punishment." Jane addressed Carlisle.

"Jane, she didn't know any better. She has never been told of our rules. We would be willing to teach her."

"No matter. It is law. Her fate is decided." Jane insisted.

"It's your decision."

Jane returned Carlisle's gaze with barely disguised animosity. She flicked her gaze back to the fire and then turning back to face us she became oddly animated and smiled at us. I was beginning to wonder if she was entirely sane.

"It looks as if we weren't needed after all. Well, except to take care of your new little pet." She indicated Bree with her head. "Are they all gone? They really did cause quite of bit of trouble in Seattle."

"Yes." Carlisle stated simply. He wasn't going to offer any more information than required I realized.

"Felix." Jane stated simply casting another glance at Bree. Felix understood her meaning and moved to take care of the newborn vampire. Emmett moved back to stand beside his wife. We all turned our faces away but the sound of the young vampire's demise could not be ignored.

"What's wrong with your human?" Jane was now focused on Bella and I stifled another growl as I gripped Bella a little tighter. Alice's hand on my arm tightened in warning.

"Bella's mind is just a bit overloaded at the moment. She has just fainted." Carlisle was trying to downplay Bella's condition so Jane wouldn't focus on her.

Suddenly Jane's mind seemed to register something she had previously missed. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she took in each of our faces.

"Where is her mind reader? Where is Edward?" Jane demanded of Carlisle.

Grief began to spike around me again and taking a deep breath I forced calm out as fast as I could. Feeling the emotional climate change, Jane quirked an eyebrow up at me. I wasn't sure if she knew my talent but I was willing to bet she was suspicious.

Carlisle took a deep calming breath and answered Jane as evenly as possible.

"We lost him to their creator. My son, Jasper, killed her but was not able to save Edward ." He was fighting to keep his voice even. Carlisle turned to look at the smoke that was still visible above the trees.

Jane looked instantly bewildered, then quickly her expression became calculating. What in the hell was wrong with her?

Alice's grip on my arm tightened even further and I cast a glance at her. Panic was playing across her face and terror overrode the calm I was pushing.

"She just decided." Alice whispered to me.

I didn't understand what Alice meant. Who decided what?

"Aro will of course be disappointed." Jane began "He had always hoped Edward and Alice would join the Volturi in the future. Their talents would be a tremendous asset to our cause. A mind reader and a fortune teller would be almost as useful as Alec and me."

Jane looked at Alice and horror gripped me as realization dawned upon me. Oh dear God, no!

"I think Alice should come with us now, a bird in the hand and all that. We shouldn't risk anything happening to her. After all you Cullens seem to be accident prone."

Jane tilted her head slightly, waiting for our reactions. The guards behind her moved slightly forward as if daring us to react violently. Utter disbelief swept through us all.

Alice closed her eyes and tilted her head up slightly. Her brows were furrowed with concentration. It was a familiar action to me and I had seen it countless times during our many years together. Alice was having a vision or more likely a series of visions and her face changed expression rapidly as she sorted through various outcomes based on different decisions.

Alice's face was easy to read for anyone but I could also feel her emotions. She shifted quickly between grief, fear, happiness, sadness, worry, confusion, joy, hate and back again. Suddenly, Alice was startled by something she saw. Her eyes blinked open and she looked at me with sorrow. Almost as soon as it was there, she shut it off from me and turned her attention to Jane.

"I will come with you, " Alice barely spoke above a whisper.

"No, Alice, you can't go." I started. I wasn't above begging if I had to.

"Jazz, I have to."

"I will come too!" I spoke a little too loudly and Bella stirred slightly.

"And you are Jasper?" Jane questioned even though I'm sure she knew exactly who I was.

"Yes, I am Alice's mate." I replied through my teeth.

"I'm sure Aro would be more than happy to have you join us." Jane smiled her little insane smile.

"No!" Alice told Jane firmly, daring her to disagree. Jane rolled her eyes but said nothing back. Panic began to overtake me.

"Esme…" I managed to choke out before my voice left me.

Somehow Esme understood my plea and she gently took Bella's still form from my arms. She didn't stir as Esme pulled her to her body, cradling her newest daughter.

As soon as Esme had stepped back to the side, Alice was in front of me. She placed her hands lovingly on either side of my face. I began to shake my head from side to side. NO…NO…NO…my mind screamed but the words refused to come. I became desperate to find my voice. I had to convince her to let me come with her.

"Jasper," she began "you have to stay here. You can't come with me. If you leave Bella, she will die and if I don't go, we all will die. Jane and Felix will return to Forks with even more of the guard and destroy us all. I have seen it. Nothing changed that course." She was looking into my eyes and pushing her love to me.

How could I let her go? I would die without her. I looked over at Bella in Esme's arms and back to Alice. I wasn't strong enough to save Bella. I was the Cullen's weakest link.

"Listen to me, Jasper! You are strong enough. You have always been stronger than you realized. Bella needs you. You will have to help her deal with her grief. I will be fine. You will see me again." She had pulled my head down so we were now forehead to forehead.

"Alice, please don't leave me. I need you. I love you." I pleaded gripping her shoulders.

"Jasper, I will always be with you." Her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "Your destiny is here. You will save Bella, just as she will save you. I love you."

Resignation overtook my entire being. Alice was leaving.

"So melodramatic, you Cullens are. " Jane had been watching our exchange with a decidedly bored expression. "Hurry up with your goodbyes, I want to get back to civilization. When can Aro expect your human to be changed?"

"By the end of summer." Carlisle answered Jane. Alice nodded her agreement. It appeared to placate Jane for the moment.

Alice flitted to Esme and kissed her gently on the cheek. Then she gently touched Bella and looked at her sleeping form before leaning forward and kissing her forehead. Alice went to Carlisle next and hugged him tightly.

When Alice approached Rose, she stopped and looked her in the eyes for a moment. She placed her hand softly on Rose's cheek.

"Take care of our new sister. " She stood on her tiptoes to kiss Rose's cheek quickly.

When she made it to Emmett, she paused before him with her head tilted up. He shook his head slightly and Alice just nodded her head. Emmett engulfed Alice in one of his huge hugs before lifting her completely off the ground. They stood for a moment silently saying goodbye. He kissed her lightly on the head when he placed her back on the ground.

Alice came back to me and pulled herself to my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist. She tucked her head under my chin. Alice was actually calming me. We stood quietly for a few moments communicating silently with our emotions. She pulled her head slightly back and then pulled my lips to hers, kissing me goodbye softly.

"Bella will wake up tomorrow afternoon and Jasper, when the time comes, it is ok. Follow your heart." She was speaking so softly it was hard even for my ears to hear her.

I was confused. I wanted to ask what she meant but I somehow knew she wouldn't tell me. It was the cryptic way of my fortune teller.

"Tell Bella that you dream in darkness but she has to live in the light." And with that she turned and ran from me with Jane and the guards behind her.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: This chapter was really hard to write. I didn't want it to be just a filler chapter and I hope I accomplished what I wanted to convey to you about their grief. Let me know what you think!

The Cullens still aren't mine. Damn.

* * *

Other than an occasional popping sound from the fire, silence permeated the clearing. The silence seemed like a tangible entity we should be able to touch if we thought about it hard enough. My arms were achingly empty and I had no idea how long they would remain that way. My heart on the other hand was full and overflowing with grief. Alice was gone. I was fighting to keep my emotions to myself and not project them onto my family, their burden was heavy enough already and my sorrow would probably cripple them. I took a deep shuddering breath a hung my head, trying desperately to collect my thoughts and feelings. Everyone was still quiet and reflective.

Slowly Esme began to stir beside of me bringing me out of my stupor. She stepped quietly in front of me, still cradling Bella lovingly in her arms. Esme looked up into my eyes.

"Jasper," she whispered gently "take her. You have to take Bella and hold her. Keep her calm."

Esme's eyes were pleading with me. Her mother's heart was projecting pure love and compassion to me. Esme knew I needed a purpose and a reason for being since mine had recently ghosted from the clearing.

I nodded my agreement absently and I reached forward for the warm bundle of humanity that Esme was offering me. I gingerly arranged Bella in my arms. Her head found its place in the crook of my neck and a small sigh escaped Bella's mouth. I stilled my body and tried to feel for her emotions. No, she was still unconscious so I wondered if I had imagined the sound.

"It's time we go home." Carlisle assumed his father role once more. "We have things we need to discuss and plans we need to make. We need to take care of Bella. We have to decide what we will tell Charlie."

The family around me all murmured their consent and so we all left the place that had changed our lives so drastically in such a short period of time. We had lost a brother, a son and a love. We had lost a sister, a daughter and a wife. But we knew that we had gained Bella, she was now forever a Cullen and that alone was enough to spur us forward.

We all ran through the dense forest keeping a steady pace but not pushing too quickly. We were running from the clearing as much as we were running to our home. It was an act of leaving some of our heartbreak and sadness behind.

Previously, the white house had always been a welcoming beacon in the dreariness that was Forks. As we broke through the trees, the two story house seemed gray and grieving like its family. Its windows were dark and lonely. We slowed to a walk as we approached the porch. Emmett reached the door first, opened it and stood to the side so we could enter and we filed through the threshold – Rose, Esme, Carlisle then Bella and me. When we reached the foyer we all paused in uncertainty. No one seemed to know where to put Bella but I did.

"I'm going to put Bella in Alice's room. I think she will be the most comfortable there and I'm sure Alice won't mind. I'll be back down in a few minutes and we can decide what we need to do next." I took the steps much more slowly than usual.

When I reached to the top of the stairs, I walked to the open door of Alice's room. I stopped at the threshold of the tastefully decorated room trying to gather the courage to enter, fighting the memories that threatened to overcome me. While it's true that I had spent a great deal of time in the room, it had always been much more Alice's room than mine. I claimed the room next door as my haven. My study is where I spent my time when I needed to collect my thoughts or read a good book. It also offered me a semi-reprieve from the emotions that flowed the Cullen house at various times.

I could almost see Alice dancing through the room, as graceful as any ballerina. The room was still filled with her scent and I could almost hear her sparkling laughter echoing off the walls. From the art on the wall to the furniture every piece screamed Alice, beautiful and artistic. It would be Bella's room now whenever she was here with us, the place where I hoped she would recover from her crippling grief and perhaps find some measure of happiness again with her adoptive family.

I moved to the bed and carefully laid Bella on the soft floral bedspread. I covered her with the soft throw Alice had left folded on the bottom of the bed. I gently brushed Bella's chestnut hair from her face and felt for emotions one more time. She was still peaceful for the moment but I knew that would be short-lived. Bella's breathing was even; her heartbeat was steady and strong. It called to me and calmed me, connecting me to Bella.

I studied her face for a moment; I really had never taken a good look at Bella before. Her face appeared a little thin and there were dark circles under her eyes. I imagine she hadn't slept well the night before the fight in that small tent with Edward and Jacob. The stress of day was also visible in the even paler tone of Bella's face and in the tense lines that were lightly etched on her forehead. Despite those sad nuances her face was pretty, beautiful even. I noticed Bella had a small straight nose, full lips and long dark lashes that fanned her cheeks as she slept. Wanting to reassure Bella of my presence, I touched her cheek softly pushing hope to her through my fingers before I left to join my family downstairs.

When I reached the living room, I suddenly felt the weight of my loss again. Rose was seated on Emmett's lap on the loveseat, with her arms wrapped around his neck as he held her close. Emmett's eyes were closed as he focused on Rosalie. Esme was curled into Carlisle's side with her face buried in his neck as he comforted her, his arms held her tightly. I missed Alice with every fiber of my being. She had saved me from a life of darkness and self-torture and I wasn't sure how I would go on without her. I wondered if it might have been easier if she had died because then at least my mind wouldn't constantly be thinking of her wellbeing. But at least I had hope that she would be in my arms again. I pushed aside my thoughts of Alice and sank into the chair, a seat meant for one.

The grief was swirling through the room and I began to think of Edward. How do you say goodbye to someone with whom you had not just spent years with as your brother and son, but decades? Our family ties seemed so much stronger than human ones, I should know. Vampire bonds were almost unbreakable, our minds and hearts more resolved than humans. We trusted each other with every secret and we were bonded to each other as surely as a natural family. Our particular family was stronger than a typical coven because we chose to be siblings and parents, we chose to love each other and now we had lost one of our own. As the anguish was moving between us, so was concern and remarkably love. I knew that in the end we would be stronger for our loss, it would strengthen the bonds further but the next few days may prove the most difficult of our existence thus far.

"I think we should stay in Forks." Carlisle was sure of his statement. "We need to heal in the place that most seems like home at the moment. We also need to help Bella through this and we obviously can't take her from Charlie."

We all vocalized our agreement with Carlisle's decision.

"Bella will definitely need all of us to overcome Edward's death. She suffered unnecessarily when we all left with Edward before. But what will we tell Charlie about Edward and Alice? I mean he will wonder what's wrong with Bella, and I'm sure he'll notice Alice's absence." Emmett spoke up quietly.

"A public funeral will be the only way we can handle Edward's death. It will be a chance for all of us to grieve for Edward and say goodbye." I was beginning to stumble on the words. I took a deep breath and continued, "As for Alice, she has gone to stay in Denali with family. Edward's death is more than she can bear at the moment." I wished so much this part of the story was true.

"I will do anything it takes to help Bella through this." Rose was looking at Emmett as she spoke, thinking of what it would be to lose the love of her life. Her determination and resolve were set and now unmovable.

"When Bella awakens, we will have to see what she needs us to do for her. I love her but I don't want to force into anything she's not ready for." Esme looked at her husband.

"Of course." Carlisle agreed.

It was decided that Emmett and Rose would go back to the area where Edward had fallen and gather ashes for his funeral. We would tell everyone he had fallen while rock climbing and passed away before we could get him to a hospital. What we told everyone about Bella would depend upon her reaction when she woke up the next day.

The day had been draining and we all needed to hunt. At the moment, keeping Bella safe from our thirst was as much a priority as helping her mind to recover. Carlisle stayed with Bella while we the rest of us went to hunt. Needing some time to myself, I headed away from Emmett, Rose and Esme.

I let my thoughts of Alice wander as I ran through the forest purely going on instinct. For a long time, I just ran, in no particular direction. The hunt was mechanical and second nature and I paid no attention to the animal I took my sustenance from that day. The whole time my mind was focused on Alice, her beauty, love and grace. I was terrified that she was scared or lonely. Alice was facing Edward's death all by herself. Oh God, how would she survive with the Volturi? Her kind and gracious nature were in direct opposition to their lifestyle. I fought the urge to go after her with every ounce of my being. I stopped in my tracks, hollow and forlorn trying to catch my breath. Even though I knew it was impossible logically, I was having a panic attack unable to catch my breath. I folded my arms together to keep myself from flying apart and I backed into a tree, sliding slowly down the trunk to the damp ground.

Finally, the sheer volume of anguish, despair and hopelessness could no longer be contained in my soul. It was too much for me to bear any longer. Similar to Bella's agonizing wail that had so chilled my heart, I released my grief to the forest. I let go of all of my pain and heartache, sobbing with my release.

…………

When I reached our home once again, Esme now sat with our Bella while Carlisle hunted. I stopped in the doorway, taking in the peaceful scene before me. Esme was perched gingerly on the bed beside Bella, stroking her hair lovingly. She was softly singing a lullaby from long ago to her daughter. Finally, something positive was in our presence. Hope.

……….

Stray beams of sunlight were now beginning to creep through the bedroom's windows. Dawn was breaking. The long night had passed as most others before it. The darkness hadn't eclipsed my view of the slip of a girl in the large bed before me. She had rested peacefully with only minor movements throughout the night. I had tried to concentrate on the open book in my lap but my mind was constantly pulled between two very different women. Both now held a special place in my life. Alice, my saving grace, had brought me to this life and brought me much joy along the way. Isabella now lay before me, needing my help to heal from scars that were much deeper than the crescent ones that tattooed my body. I wasn't sure that I would be strong enough to help her heal but I had to trust Alice's vision and her love for both me and Bella.

The small cell phone in pocket began to vibrate insistently. I frowned. Who would be calling me at this hour? I could feel my siblings and parents in the house with Bella and me. I dug the phone out of my jeans pocket and glanced at the backlit screen.

Damn it!

"Hello."


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Yes, I am mean for the cliffy…just couldn't help myself. You'll find I have a mean streak in me when it comes to cliffhangers. Consider yourself warned. Let's find out who called Jasper, shall we?

Still not mine, I'm just saying.

* * *

_The small cell phone in pocket began to vibrate insistently. I frowned. Who would be calling me at this hour? I could feel my siblings and parents in the house with Bella and me. I dug the phone out of my jeans pocket and glanced at the backlit screen._

_Damn it!_

"_Hello."_

"Where in the hell is Bella?" The voice was demanding, dipping into a deep growl.

"Jacob, she's here with us. Her mind closed down right after..." I hesitated before I could finish "Edward was killed. At the moment, Bella is still unconscious but we expect her to wake soon."

What right did this dog have to demand answers from me after all the shit he had pulled trying to come between Edward and Bella? I was trying to keep my voice as even as I could but I was failing miserably. Anger was flaring and I needed to keep an even head.

"Why didn't you take her home to Charlie? After all you guys are really good at abandoning her. Why mess with a perfect record?" He was really starting to annoy.

"Yes, that would have been the thing to do. Deliver his unconscious daughter to him and tell him not to worry she'll wake tomorrow. My future seeing wife said it was so. And because with all that has happened, we don't know what kind of reaction she will have when she comes around. Bella may be hysterical or catatonic. There's no way we can tell.

For all we know, she could've spilled everything to Charlie. We thought it would be better to protect him from the fact that vampires and werewolves do in fact exist and her daughter's vampire boyfriend was killed by a vampire bitch who has been hunting her since last year." Sarcastic Jasper reared his ugly head and I was just starting to ramble now. Damn dog.

Jacob was thankfully quiet for a few moments, his heavy breathing the only thing coming through the phone. I was waiting for him to start yelling when he surprised me completely.

"I'm sorry, Jasper." He mumbled. Taking a deep breath he continued, "I was worried about her and I guess I should have known your family would protect her. After all, that was what yesterday was all about – protecting Bella. Seth told me what you did for her. I mean I knew what had happened but he made sure to tell me himself. You really impressed the pup."

I could almost feel his sincerity through the phone and I immediately felt guilty about losing my temper so quickly and completely. I realized if I had been in his position, feeling the way he felt about Bella, I probably would have given Edward hell too. I rubbed my forehead absently before I spoke.

"I'm sorry too. I know you would do anything for Bella too. Now that Alice and Edward are gone we just want to make sure she knows we love her and will be here for her." Now that my temper was under control, my voice was at a more reasonable volume.

"What happened to Alice?"

I blinked stupidly for a moment; I had forgotten the wolves didn't know that the Volturi had taken my Alice with them. God, I didn't want to explain this to him but I felt I had no choice. He might as well know the whole ugly story. I just wanted to hang up but I didn't.

"The Volturi decided that it would be better if Alice accompanied them back to Italy. Gifted vampires are highly prized in their ranks. It's what makes them nearly invincible. They have wanted Edward and Alice to join them because of their gifts. Since Edward will never be able join them now, they didn't want to risk losing Alice too." I was forcing the words out of my mouth.

"You let them take your wife? Why didn't you go with them or fight for her? " The contempt was obvious in his questions. I could almost see him roll his eyes. "I would have never let them take Bella."

I closed my eyes and saw red behind my eyelids, the color of pure rage. He should be grateful he was calling me; I would have torn his throat out had he been facing me.

"Jacob, Alice saw the outcome would have been disastrous if I had gone with them. Bella would have died. She will need my ability to calm her in the weeks to come. If Alice had refused to go with them, the Volturi would have descended on Forks in force. Unlike the newborns, they've had thousands of years to perfect destruction." I had surprisingly managed to keep my voice neutral but the ache in my chest was back.

"I could have helped Bella. I did before." Jacob's tone was defensive.

"I'm sure you will still be part of her healing" I was simply tired of the conversation at this point, "but Alice was insistent. She saw the same outcome even when different decisions came into play. I will not let Bella suffer. If I am the one that needs to help Bella, I cannot be selfish. Alice wanted me to stay too."

Again he was quiet. I assumed he was processing our conversation.

"When can I come and see her?" He was finally accepting.

"I will call you after she wakes up, you have my word." I knew the dog had filled a place in her life before and I couldn't deny Bella anything that would help her.

"Thanks." With that final word, Jacob hung up.

Emmett poked his head through the door suddenly.

"Everything ok, Jasper?" He was eyeing me with concern and a little bit of curiosity.

"Yes, Em. Bella just has a plethora of mythical creatures that care about her wellbeing." I smiled a little bit, looking toward her sleeping form.

"That's our Bella. She's just that kind of girl." He chuckled and closed the door as he left.

………..

BPOV

I was floating in the darkness. I liked the darkness. It was warm and comfortable here; I wanted to stay here forever where I felt safe. However, something was tugging at my consciousness demanding my attention. There was something I needed to remember but I didn't want to think about it too hard. I had a feeling it wasn't a happy memory. It was there on the very edge of my dreams, in the gray area that surrounded the darkness. I knew it was there beckoning to me but maybe if I avoided it I wouldn't have to face it; it scared me.

Something was flowing over me, encompassing me. Was it calm? Maybe peace was the word I was looking for. Gentle yet determined, it held me trying to protect me. My mind was having a hard time processing thoughts. Concentrate Bella. You need to focus to stay in the darkness. No matter how hard I tried it seemed the calm was pulling me out of the darkness. I was trying to hang on but now I was in the grayness and the memory was there with me and I couldn't turn from it. Edward. Panic. Grief. Remorse. He was gone. Love washed over me, and I was pulled from the grayness into the light. Someone was there with me, helping me. My fragmented mind tried to recall my savior's name.

JPOV

Isabella was stirring now. Her eyes were still firmly closed but her breathing changed and her heartbeat sped up. I was monitoring her emotions closely, ready to assist her as necessary. Bella was fighting something in her mind and I wished for the first time in my life for Edward's gift. Then again, it wouldn't have been of any use with Bella. Her mind protected itself in a way that was unique and intriguing.

When her fear hit me, I began to pump calm toward her as fast as I could manage it. I followed it with waves of peace yet she seemed to be cycling beyond the fear. Bella was feeling epic portions of panic, grief and even remorse. I was sure she was thinking of Edward. I grasped at any happy emotion I could think of and concentrated on making Bella feel them.

Suddenly she sat upright in the bed. Shaking and drawing deep ragged breaths into her lungs. Her eyes were wide with fear and loss, tears streamed down her face. Bella remembered.

BPOV

I had to sit up, I felt like I was drowning in my grief. My lungs pulled at the air, trying to find relief. I was in a room on a large bed. As my eyes focused on my surroundings, the familiar place was named in my mind. I was in Alice's room, sitting on her bed. My eyes shifted to the chair in the corner that was currently occupied by very startled Jasper. His topaz eyes wide, he looked uncertain.

"Jasper?" It came out as a question.

"I'm here Bella." Jasper was studying my face. Gauging my emotions I'm sure.

The rest came flooding back suddenly and furiously like a dam had burst in my mind. The rocks pressed into my back. Edward and Victoria's deadly dance. Seth with his paws on Riley's back. The wind whipping around me. Edward's look of anguish. The flames from the fire, the color of Victoria's hair. Jasper growling. Jasper standing over Victoria's body in triumph. He had finished her with a small lighter from his pocket. A hysterical question came unbidden in to my mind, did all vampires carry lighters? I began to laugh; it was laughter with no joy behind it. I wanted to cry harder, the wailing fought to leave me but I found it wouldn't. While the grief was still there, it wasn't overwhelming me as before. Jasper was my savior's name.

There was a soft knock at the door bringing me to the present.

"Bella, may we come in?" Esme's soft voice floated through the door.

"Yes, please!" I sobbed out. I was desperate to see the rest of my family.

Esme entered the room in her graceful fashion. Her eyes were immediately fixed on mine and I felt the love she was projecting to me. I looked to Jasper. Was he projecting her feelings to me? He was carefully watching me but I couldn't read much from his guarded expression.

Esme sat beside me on the right side of the bed, facing me. Pushing my tangled hair from my face, she pulled me into a gentle hug. Comfort surrounded me as I cried on her shoulder.

Emmett and Rosalie were next into the room. Emmett came to rest on the opposite side of the bed from Esme. He rested his head against mine, his arm encircling my waist. Rose just sat on the bottom of the bed looking upon us with concern. After a moment of hesitation, she brought her hand to rest on my leg. I accepted their love and let it comfort my heart.

Carlisle entered the room quietly. He looked toward Jasper who only nodded at some unanswered question. Esme and Emmett loosened their loving embrace as Carlisle approached the bed. He tenderly placed a soothing hand on my cheek. It was his gesture of love for me.

"Welcome back, Bella. We've missed you." It was a simple statement but it touched me deeply.

I smiled but I'm sure it didn't reach my eyes. However, I did try my best to convey my gratitude and love. I'm not sure where it was coming from but I found myself resolved to be strong for them. They had after all lost a son too.

"Bella, would you like to take a shower? Get freshened up a bit?" Rose's honest concern surprised me. "Perhaps Esme or I can help you?"

"Thank you. That is a probably good idea but I think I can manage myself." The hot water would feel good.

"Bella, I'm going to fix you something to eat." Esme looked at me with her no nonsense look. She wasn't giving me any room to say no.

"Thank you."

"Bella, when you get out of the shower, we need to call Charlie. He needs to know what happened. You have our unconditional love and support but we need to make some decisions." Carlisle had picked up my hand and was holding it gingerly as he spoke to me.

"Alright Carlisle."

Everyone flowed from the room and I scooted to the end of the bed, readying myself to go into the adjoining bathroom. Jasper was still hovering in the room.

"Jasper, why could I feel Esme's feelings so strongly?" He raised an eyebrow.

I'm sure my curiosity was hitting him. Jasper ran a hand through his hair. He grinned slightly as he pondered my question for a moment. I had never noticed his dimples before.

"Sometimes," he began, "I can amplify emotions that someone is feeling. I can manufacture any emotion but if I can also amplify it as I'm projecting it, you will feel it even stronger. The more pure the emotion, the easier it is to do it. For example, Esme and Emmett's emotions are easier to amplify because they feel things more purely. Rose on the other hand is more complex and often conflicted so it's harder to amplify her emotions."

I nodded. It seemed to make sense even to my disjointed mind. Suddenly it occurred to me that someone important was missing.

"Jasper, where's Alice?"


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Yeah! I got my laptop back and it is bug free! I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Let me know what you think, hit the button at the bottom!

* * *

BPOV

_I nodded. It seemed to make sense even to my disjointed mind. Suddenly it occurred to me that someone important was missing. _

"_Jasper, where's Alice?"_

Jasper's tawny eyes flicked quickly to meet mine. He appeared to be deciding precisely how he wanted to answer me. Fear began to creep into my heart, squeezing and spreading panic throughout my entire body. The only explanation for Alice not being here with me was that she couldn't be. Oh God, was Alice dead too? The thought came to my mind quickly with another gigantic rush of fear. Seemingly simultaneously two things happened, I felt calm replace my terror and Jasper moved quickly to stand right in front of me. Concern was evident in his countenance.

"Bella, calm down." Jasper was standing very close but he was not actually touching me. He was searching my eyes, deciphering my feelings. "Alice is very much alive and well. She made sure to kiss your forehead before she left. Alice just had to go and handle some family matters."

Jasper took in a deep, shaky breath and closed his eyes for a moment. He seemed to be struggling slightly, a sadness evident in his features yet he was emitting none to me. The impression of sadness was fleeting and his normal calm facade fell back into place.

"How long will she be away, Jasper?" I was still worried about Alice.

"I'm really not sure but she won't be gone any longer than absolutely necessary." Jasper was still studying me carefully but he was pulling back a little on the steady stream of calm. "She loves you very much, Bella. Never doubt that for a second. Alice wants nothing more than to be here for you but this is a necessary trip for her."

The momentary air of sadness that had touched his features pulled at my conscience. I felt like there was more to the story than Jasper had shared. However, I was much too weary at the moment to push the issue and he didn't seem to want share anymore presently. Hopefully, Jasper would feel he could confide in me soon. My only desire at the moment was to have some time to release some of the black sorrow swirling in my soul. I needed some time by myself to deal with the overwhelming grief threatening to overtake my sanity.

"Take your shower now, Bella." Jasper stepped swiftly and gracefully to the side. I vaguely wondered if he was this attuned to everyone's emotions. "Esme will have some food ready for you when you are done."

I nodded and moved into the opulent adjoining bathroom. Moving slowly to the large mirror, I studied the lost girl looking back at me. Her straggly dark hair was tangled, dull and dirty. Her thin face and lips were red and chapped from the constant wind and cold of the previous days. Most noticeable however, were large brown eyes filled to overflowing with grief. This forlorn girl was not a stranger to me, I had seen her once before. This was the girl who had been left behind by a bronze haired boy who didn't want her hurt. He had left her to protect her, his true love. Unfortunately, his good intentions had left her stumbling, crying and as lost as she was now. Biting my bottom lip to stifle my sob, I turned from the reflection of the lost girl and peeled away my clothing.

Turning on the faucets, I stepped into the large gray marble shower without even testing the temperature. I slid under the forceful stream of water and let it pour over my tired body. I closed my eyes and pictured my Edward's perfect face , unruly hair and his crooked smile that melted me. I thought of the touch of his cold fingers lovingly placed on my cheek. I remembered the feeling of the the wind on my face while running through the forest clinging to Edward's back, pressing my face into his shoulder when I became frightened. Edward, I finally accepted, had loved me with all of his being. I belatedly wished I could tell him that I believed the depth of his love and now it was too late.

The water was close to scalding but the heat felt like a healing balm to my soul. The hot water was cleansing and cathartic; it was drawing out the poisonous sorrow in my system. Sobs were leaving me without my permission and the force of them, combined with my overwhelming grief, had my body shuddering under their grip. I flattened my palms against the cold shower wall to support myself while my body and mind grieved. I had never wanted to ever feel this particular affliction again, this deep overwhelming grief. Edward and I were supposed to have happily every after, now I only felt overwhelming sadness.

As my broken heart mourned, another emotion tentatively began to soothe me. The peace was subtle in its influence, yet it was definitely there and it was soft and serene. It flowed through my body and touched the fringes of grief. It wasn't canceling my anguish but instead it controlled it and allowed me to maintain the slight grip I had on my sanity. My tears continued to flow freely and mingle with the water from the shower as the needed release continued. My savior's name name floated through my mind as I gratefully accepted his gift. Jasper.

JPOV

Bella's powers of observation that had impressed Edward were evidently still very much in tact. Alice's absence was amazingly noticed by the human girl who was even now staggering under the weight of the loss of her first love. The fear that began to quickly grip her almost caught me off guard and I had to scramble to help her, pushing my calm toward Bella as I rushed to stand before her. I didn't dare risk touching her because I didn't want to startle her further. I didn't feel like it was the time to fully explain Alice's sudden departure so I glossed over the truth for the time being. Bella's feelings of curiosity let me know that she did not fully accept my explanation but she chose not to push the issue.

After Bella left the room, I relaxed for a moment until I heard and felt Carlisle approaching the room. He tapped gently on the dark wooden door before entering.

"How is she really doing, Jasper?" Carlisle's gentle eyes were creased with concern. "She seems to be holding up much better than I ever thought she would."

"Bella is truly grieving to be sure, but she seems to be trying to put on a brave face for us. I think Bella doesn't want to add to our grief for Edward, she doesn't want to worry us further. Bella just needs a few private moments to let her grief out. I am trying to keep her from being overwhelmed by her sorrow but I don't want to manufacture her entire emotional state either. If she doesn't ever feel the grief and pain, Bella won't ever fully heal."

Carlisle nodded thoughtfully as he absorbed what I had just told him. As immortal vampires, we had all felt more than our fair share of sadness. For our family, our pasts created a bond and I knew Bella would be a perfect fit in our family.

"I heard her ask about Alice." I knew he, as well as the rest of our family, had probably heard our entire conversation. Carlisle was now gauging my emotions, he wanted to know how I was dealing with Alice's loss but he didn't want to force me to talk about it. He knew us all so well that he knew how to approach his children, he knew when to push and when to be gentle.

"Yes, Bella still astounds me with how astute she can be. I'm sure she didn't fully believe my story. But Bella also seemed to know that now wasn't the time to examine the issue." I shook my head slightly with disbelief.

"Jasper, you will have to tell her the truth soon. Bella needs us to be honest and upfront with her as much as possible." Carlisle said.

"I know. Bella was always frustrated when Edward was too protective. I fully intend on telling her soon but I think we should get through the funeral arrangements first. I also don't want Bella to have to lie to Charlie any more than necessary right now." My senses and my gift were being pulled involuntarily toward the adjoining bathroom. I seemed even more connected with Bella than ever before and I could literally feel her starting to stagger under her grief.

I took a small step toward the door and began to push a gentle wave of peace to Bella. I smiled slightly when I felt her accept my gift and I felt her gratitude. Apparently Bella was beginning to learn how communicate with me through my gift. It comforted me to know that someone besides Alice understood me.

Rosalie knocked lightly before entering the bedroom carrying some clothing draped across her arm.

"Esme thought Bella would like some clean clothes to put on after her shower. Esme's clothes should fit her fairly well, they are about the same size." Rose slipped quietly into the bathroom and back out before Bella would even be able to sense her presence.

Rose's face betrayed her concern for Bella even before I felt it. She could hear Bella's sobs just like we all could and it was pulling at Rose's heartstrings and her protective nature.

"Do you think she will ever be able to move past this crippling grief? Can we really help her?" Rose questioned Carlisle and me as she shifted from foot to foot in an unusual display of nervousness. She was never one to ever show doubt or weakness but I'm sure she was imagining herself in Bella's shoes.

"Rose, Alice saw it and I believe her. We all have a part to play in Bella's life and in time she will move past this awful place in her life. In turn, we all will benefit from her being part of this family because fate has deemed she is a Cullen." Carlisle was sure and confident in his reply.

"I know you're right, I hate that she is so broken at the moment." Rose was thoughtful but accepting. "I better go and see if Esme needs any help in the kitchen. Not that I really know anything about cooking but I'm afraid Emmett may try to help her if I don't get in there soon." She laughed lightly at her last comment.

"I'm going to go make some calls about some arrangements for Edward's funeral. I want to be able to have some plans in place when we actually call Charlie." Carlisle quietly left the room.

I returned to my corner chair while I waited for Bella to finish in the bathroom. I took the time to think about how I wanted to tell her about Alice and the Volturi. I didn't want her to feel in any way responsible for Alice's departure and I sincerely hoped that Alice would be able to return to us eventually. I heard Bella in the next room as she turned off the shower and began to dry off and dress. I was amazed that her emotions were flowing freely to me now, our connection still powerful. She was sad but her air of determination was almost as strong, it was as if she was resolved not to be broken by her loss.

When Bella entered the room I was immediately overwhelmed by the scent clinging to her skin and I breathed it deeply into my nostrils. Alice's face danced before my eyes and I rose to my feet involuntarily, Bella smelled of Alice's expensive shampoo and body wash. I tried to fight the sense of loss triggered by the familiar scent but it was consuming me at the moment and I was failing miserably. Bella stopped just outside the bathroom door and studied my posture seeming to be unsure whether she should approach me or not. I closed my eyes and turned my face from her to gather my composure.

Bella began to softly ease her way toward me. I could hear her soft footfalls on the thick carpeting as she advanced a step or two and then hesitated. I was still trying to push my feelings away but the closer Bella came to me, the harder it was for me to control them. I knew she was studying my body language and trying to read what had caused my sudden consternation.

"Bella, you smell like Alice. Well, like her shampoo and soap." I tried to fill in the blanks for her. I didn't want her to think I was struggling with my thirst.

Bella stopped her forward progression for a moment and I felt her sympathy. I knew she understood my simple explanation and was gathering the courage to come to me. I stood still and let her make her choice. As much as she needed the small amount of peace I could offer her, I realized I needed her presence and contact too. Bella had decided what she wanted to do and she made her way quietly to stand before me as I had stood before her such a short time ago.

Bella's sweet smell combined with Alice's familiar scents and the mixture swirled all around my body, it was soothing to my heart. I realized it could actually be construed as a gift as it made me fondly remember my missing mate. Bella was standing within a foot of me and I knew she was trying to decide her next move. I turned my face back to her and opened my eyes to take in her upturned face. Her eyes were red and swollen from her crying bout in the bathroom but the concern for me playing across her face made Bella beautiful to me. It awed me that she truly understood me even though I was careful not to let her feel my emotions. Bella lifted her hand and hesitantly moved it to place it on my upper arm. Her warm hand rested lightly on my arm and the connection between us was stronger than before. Bella's face drew together in concentration and I felt a small amount of compassion and trust being forced through her touch. I smiled gently at her as I realized she was trying to comfort me. No words were necessary, we understood each other. I brought my hand softly to her cheek and let her feel my gratitude. Bella smiled softly and for the first time since she woke, Bella was not fighting against overwhelming grief.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: I am sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out but I had computer issues again. I hope this is worth your wait. Hit the button and let me know!

It's still not mine, but I would gladly claim Jasper if Stephenie would let me.

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JPOV

Quiet. Bella's soft breathing. A few stray sounds from the yard outside the bedroom window. Otherwise, it was quiet. Bella's deep brown eyes had closed when my frigid hand had come to rest on her warm cheek. She was still concentrating on sending me positive emotions: happiness, gratitude, relief and most of all comfort. A sigh left me and Bella's eyes blinked open to meet mine.

"Esme probably has your food ready." My words though quietly spoken broke our tenuous spell.

"I hope she didn't go to a great deal of trouble. I'm not really that hungry." Bella's eyes drifted to floor as she dropped her hand from my arm and her cheeks flamed crimson. Embarrassment, probably at being the center of attention, radiated from her.

"Humor her, Bella. None of us want you to lose your strength or become ill from lack of nourishment. Even Rose helped her to prepare your meal. If we're really lucky, she beat Emmett to the kitchen before he could try to help Esme." I emphasized help with air quotes. Bella's beautiful eyes momentarily sparkled with amusement as her mouth turned up slightly at the corners. It was a small break in the sadness but it was enough for now.

"I promise I'll do my best, Jasper." Even though I would never question her sincerity I felt it as well.

I followed Bella as she turned and walked out the bedroom door. As we walked down the warm wood-paneled hallway she became nervous and grief began to slip back into her demeanor. I realized that memories of Edward were probably bombarding her and causing the sadness to begin to well up within her again. I reached forward and took her hand in mine to offer her my support but I didn't manipulate her emotions. She didn't say anything but instead gently squeezed my fingers.

When we reached the bottom of the stairs, Bella came to a complete stop. Her eyes touched Edward's piano as it sat on the platform to the left of the front door. I marveled at the feelings coming from her. While sorrow was prevalent, Bella also was feeling love, joy and resolve. The happy memories were there along with the sadness of what would never be. With our hands still joined, Bella began to slowly pull me along with her toward the black piano. She stopped short of stepping up on the platform as she gathered her courage to touch the object that so completely represented her lost love. Bella took a deep breath, released my hand and stepped up on the slightly raised platform. When she came to rest next to the instrument, without any more hesitation she placed both hands lovingly on it and began to cry softly. I stood back and let Bella deal with her grief since it wasn't overwhelming her. After a few moments, Bella backed away from the piano and swiped at the tears on her cheeks with her shirt sleeve.

"Jasper, I can't believe he is gone. We were so close to having what we both wanted, each other forever. I know I am only human but I did love him with all of my heart. I never thought I could find someone like him and I didn't even accept that he loved me completely until after he was gone." Her eyes were sad and grief rolled from her but so did acceptance. "I am not sure how I will get through my life without him by my side. What will I do?"

"Bella, I have learned one thing in my long life, most people are all just one phone call away from their knees. A life really worth living has both happiness and sorrow. It's true for humans and vampires alike, true love and grief are felt deeply and just because you're human it shouldn't be trivialized. You feel as deeply as we do, I should know." I took her hand in mine and let her feel my support. "Alice wanted me to be sure and tell you that you can dream in darkness but you have to live in the light. We all love you and the closer you are to love, the farther you will be from the dark and grief."

"Jasper, you all have pulled me out of the dark. You especially and I will never forget what you have done for me. Thank you." Bella dropped my hand and then with a small sniff she turned and walked into the kitchen as I trailed closely behind.

When Emmett saw us enter the kitchen, his face lit up with unadulterated joy. He was so happy to see Bella functioning as well as she was that he couldn't contain his happiness and he shot forward to pull her into an Emmett hug. Bella hugged him back as hard as she could. Then Emmett pulled back still smiling widely at her. Rose was even smiling slightly as she leaned against the granite counter top as she watched her husband and Bella.

"Look, Bella. We cooked for you." Emmett was absolutely beaming, his arm sweeping in a grand gesture toward the plate of prepared food. Rose and Esme both simultaneously rolled their eyes as amusement played in their expression.

"We?" Esme questioned him.

"Well, Esme and Rose cooked it but I did put it on the plate." He shot them a look daring them to disagree with him.

"Thank you, Emmett." Bella smiled slightly at Emmett. "And thank you Esme and Rose." She added with a knowing look to the two of them.

"Bella, we made you brunch. I thought the eggs and toast might be gentle on your stomach." Esme smiled at her softly. "The fruit will help your immune system stay strong."

Bella moved to the breakfast bar where a plate was set for one. She sat down in front of the plate and Esme moved sit beside her. Bella looked up at Esme nervously.

"It smells wonderful. Thank you Esme." Bella was sincere and determined to please Esme. She picked up the fork and began to slowly eat the food on her plate. Emmett moved to stand in front of Bella on the other side of the breakfast bar, placing his elbows on the bar and putting his face in his hands as he studied Bella with interest. He had always had an odd fascination with humans and their eating habits. Rose moved quickly to pull Emmett away from Bella's slightly startled and embarrassed face. Emmett grumbled but allowed Rose to pull him away.

"We're going to go for a hunt. Jasper, you are thirsty so would you like to join us?" Rose turned her knowing eyes on me. I hadn't even realized I was thirsty until she had spoken.

Bella dropped her fork and looked at me her eyes wide with panic. I struggled a bit with the sudden fear she was strongly pushing at me. I moved to stand in front of Bella in the place Emmett had just vacated as I pushed her a very strong wave of calm for reassurance. She was taking deep breaths into her body in order to assist me in calming her and I realized she was afraid of being overwhelmed by grief in my absence. Bella was looking deeply into my eyes and then like a light bulb being turned on, I could see her reach a conclusion in her mind.

"Your eyes are black and you must be struggling, Jasper. I am so sorry, I didn't even notice before." Bella's concern for me had totally replaced her panic.

"No, Bella, I hadn't even realized my thirst either. I actually wasn't struggling in the least. But Rose is right, I am thirsty and I should hunt to keep you safe. I promise I won't go far and I'll be back soon and Esme will be right here with you. Hovering over you, I am sure." I tried to lighten the situation.

"I am sure I will be fine, Jasper. I will enjoy some time alone with Esme. Please take your time." Bella was pushing her confidence to me.

I gave her a knowing smile so she would know that I felt her and then I touched her hand lightly before I followed Rose and Emmett from the kitchen.

.......

BPOV

After Rose, Emmett and Jasper left to go hunting. I managed to finish at least half of my plate of food that Esme and Rose has so lovingly prepared for me. I wanted to eat more but at that point I just couldn't force myself to take another bite and Esme seemed to understand. She quickly cleared the dishes from the bar and before I could even offer to help, the kitchen was pretty much clean.

"Come on, Bella. Let's go to the living room where you'll be more comfortable." Esme held out her hand for me to take which I did without hesitation.

Esme settled herself on the left corner of the couch and I sank down in the middle next to her, still clutching her hand. I had always known that Esme cared for me but at this moment I felt that she truly loved me, even without Jasper's help.

"Bella, you will always be another daughter to me. I just want you to know that. While Edward did introduce you to this family, we grew to love you for you. You accepted us without any question when you could have seen us as monsters and you have never wavered. We know that we can trust you with all of our secrets and I just want you to know that we do not take that bond lightly. Whatever you need, anything at all, we will make sure you have it." She put her arm over my shoulder and pulled me to her as tears began to stream down my face at her loving words.

"You will never know how much your support means to me. Esme, I don't think I could make it through this without all of you." I sighed because I wasn't sure I could even put into words how I felt for all of the Cullens. I swiped at the seemingly ever present tears on my face. "I don't know if I am saying this right and I am so thankful for you. I love you all."

We were wrapped in an embrace, sobbing on each other when the front door flew open crashing into the wall. Esme and I pulled back and came face to face with a confused looking Jasper. His tall frame was immediately kneeling before us with concern flowing from him, his blond hair fell forward slightly over his forehead. I tried to smile at him to let him see I was alright but I'm afraid it probably looked more like a painful grimace. He placed a tentative hand on my knee and studied my face for emotional injury.

"Your grief was pretty strong, even outside. I..." He almost looked embarrassed, "sort of..."

"He absolutely panicked. That's what he did." Rose had just walked in the door with a smirk on her face. Emmett followed closely behind grinning like the Cheshire cat. Jasper just shot them both an evil look and they were immediately stoic.

Carlisle entered the room and took in the whole scene in seconds. He just smiled slightly at us all and moved to sit in the chair. Rose and Emmett gracefully seated themselves on the loveseat as Jasper rose from his knees and he moved quietly to sit on my other side. I knew it was time to talk about the plans for Edward's funeral.

Carlisle cleared his throat unnecessarily before he began to speak. His voice was clear and strong but it still belied the grief he was feeling. I could feel it welling up within me too as Jasper placed a hand in mine met my eyes. He didn't actually change my emotions, he just let me know he was there for me.

"I have arranged for us to have a memorial service for Edward at the chapel just outside of town on Friday." Carlisle seemed ready to cry himself and calm flooded the room. He nodded his appreciation to Jasper. "I think it would be nice if we could all say something about Edward if you feel that you are able to do that. He meant something different to each of us and I think we need to share that with each other. It will also hopefully help us to gain some closure on our loss."

There was a chorus of agreement all around and then Carlisle turned his attention to me.

"Bella, do you think you'll be able to say something? We would all understand if you don't think you'll be able to so soon. It's your decision and we want you to do what you feel is best for you." His kindness was flowing to me thanks to Jasper's ability.

"Carlisle, I really want to share my love for Edward with all of you. I think with everyone's support, I will be able to do just that." Everyone smiled at me in a show of support. I was in awe of their complete, unconditional love for me and extremely grateful for counting myself part of their family.

"As we decided before, we will tell everyone that he died while rock climbing during our camping trip. We had him cremated in the local town. I will put an announcement in the local paper about the service." Once more Carlisle turned his attention to me. "Bella, would you like me to call Charlie or would you prefer doing that?"

Suddenly I was very nervous despite Jasper's calming influence. I knew how Charlie felt about Edward but I also knew he would never ever wish this kind of pain on me. He had seen me in tremendous pain and because he felt Edward was responsible for my previous deep depression Charlie had began to dislike him. While it would be easier for me if Carlisle made the call, I felt it was my responsibility to share the awful news.

"I will call Charlie. I think I need to tell him. Jasper, can I use your phone?" Jasper pulled his phone from his jeans pocket and dialed the number for me before handing me the phone.

Charlie answered on the third ring. I tried swallowing the gigantic lump in my throat so I could answer his greeting but it seemed like an insurmountable hurdle at the moment. Thankfully, Jasper pushed me a large dose of peace through our connected hands and the lump was gone.

"Hi, Dad. It's me, Bella. I called to tell you something." Words suddenly seemed an inadequate way of communicating as I tried to make myself deliver the news of Edward's death to my father. Esme handed me some tissue as tears began to stream freely down my face.

"Bella, honey, are you okay? You don't sound like yourself."

"Yes, I'm fine. Well, not really fine. Dad, Edward..." I was still struggling with the next words that I had to speak. Jasper began to gently rub his thumb across the top of my hand. "Edward was in an accident. Dad, Edward is dead."

"Bella, where are you?" Charlie was now in fully panicked father mode.

"I am with the Cullens at their house, Dad. I really am physically okay." The words tumbled out of my mouth.

"Bella, I am coming right over. I'll talk to you as soon as I get there. Honey, I am so sorry." Charlie was speaking quickly but he paused at the end. "Bella, I love you."

"I love you too, Dad." Then he hung up.

"I'm sure you all heard the conversation, but he is on his way here." I dried my face with another tissue and then excused myself to freshen up in the restroom.

.......

JPOV

Bella handed my phone back to me before she rose from the couch.

My cell phone vibrated in my hand almost immediately after Bella left the room. Before I even looked at the caller id, I knew who was calling me. Damn, I had forgotten to call Jacob when Bella woke up.

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Some of this chapter was inspired by a song by Mat Kearney - "Closer to Love." If I can figure out how to do it, I'll post the link on my profile. :0)


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I am thankful each and every review left. I try to answer them all because I figure if you took time to write it, I need to take time to thank you. A special thanks to all my regular readers, I really appreciate you. If you like it let me know, if you don't let me know too.

Again, not mine but I can dream about Jasper all I want ;0)

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JPOV

"Hello, Jacob." I tried to be as cordial as possible. I knew if I were in his place and worried about Bella, I would be extremely pissed that I hadn't been called when she woke up.

"Is she awake yet?" Surprisingly, Jacob's voice was even and not harsh in the least. Maybe it was because he didn't realize she had been awake for a while.

"Yes, she is awake. She has had a shower, something to eat and has already told Charlie about Edward. He is on his way over to see her and she is in the restroom freshening up before he gets here." I braced myself for anger now that he knew I hadn't called him right away.

"She told Charlie about Edward? I figured you guys would do that for her. Bella doesn't usually handle stress very well." I could almost feel Jacob's confusion through the phone but thankfully he didn't seem angry. I really didn't feel like getting into a shouting match with Jacob right now and I didn't want to put any undue stress on her.

"Carlisle offered to make the call but Bella wanted to do it herself. I think she is handling her grief very well, even without my influence. She has had some moments where it has threatened to overwhelm her, but all in all she is doing remarkably well."

Jacob stayed silent for a moment and I'm sure he was as amazed as we were at Bella's strength in the face of this, her worst nightmare. Edward had shared how close Jacob and Bella had become during our absence and how he had actually helped her overcome her depression when we had left. I also knew that Jacob really loved Bella because even if I hadn't been able to feel it radiate from him when he was in her presence, it was obvious whenever he looked at her. He loved her almost as much as Edward.

"I still want to come see her but I will wait until Charlie has left. I don't want to give her to much to deal with at once." Jacob was sounding more mature than I had previously believed. "Wait, do you think she'll go home with Charlie?"

Sudden and intense panic flooded me, I hadn't even thought of Bella leaving with her father. It would make sense but I didn't know how I would handle that because I had grown dependent upon Bella in our short time together and I felt she needed me too. I didn't know the answer and we would just have to wait for Bella to decide where she wanted to be so I pushed the panic aside for the moment.

"I don't know, Jacob. I guess we'll have to wait for Bella to decide when Charlie gets here. You are welcome to come and visit her but I think you're right about waiting until after Charlie leaves." Even though I didn't relish the idea of werewolves in our home, I knew Jacob was important to Bella.

"Thanks, I'll be there soon."

"Jazz, you don't think Bella will want to leave us do you?" Emmett's forehead was creased with concern. He didn't relish her being out of our sight anymore than I did.

"It's up to Bella, Em. Even if she does go home with her father, she won't be far away." I was trying to calm myself and I couldn't talk about it anymore, if I did the panic would completely overtake me.

Bella came back out of the restroom and looked at my face, taking in my expression and I tried to smile reassuringly at her. Then she took her seat between Esme and me, Bella sighed and leaned her head on Esme's shoulder. We waited comfortably in silence for Chief Swan. As much as I wanted to reach out and take her hand, I resisted the urge and let her draw comfort from Esme.

BPOV

Jasper was extremely quiet when I came back into the living room and sat back down, but he smiled at me when I made eye contact with him. I leaned into Esme and waited for my dad to arrive, I knew he was close when all five pairs of golden vampire eyes shifted to the large front door. Charlie must be coming up the long, winding drive to the Cullen house. I wanted to see my dad but I was nervous about his reaction to Edward's death. I knew he had good reason to be angry with Edward but I had loved him and didn't think I could bear anything negative right now.

Carlisle rose gracefully from his seat on the chair to greet my dad when he reached the door and knocked softly. Charlie stepped through the door and stopped just inside the threshold in front of Carlisle, he was turning his hat around in his hand. The look on his face betrayed his inner turmoil, he was as affected by Edward's death as we were.

"Thank you for coming, Charlie." Carlisle was genuinely glad to see my dad and he smiled warmly despite the somber occasion offering Charlie his hand in greeting.

"Carlisle, I am so sorry about Edward." Charlie's voice wavered slightly with his words. "I know I had some differences with him in the past but I was beginning to respect the way he was going out of his way to make Bella happy once again."

Charlie turned his attention to me. His large brown eyes were wide and brimming with unshed tears. My dad didn't say word, he just simply held out his arms inviting me into them. I sprung from the couch and ran to him. We had never been demonstrative before but at this moment he knew what his daughter needed and offered it without hesitation and I sobbed against his chest as he held me tight. He stroked my hair, trying to comfort me as best as he could.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I am so sorry. You shouldn't have to go through this." Charlie pulled back and looked at me. "I was angry with Edward for how he left you but I didn't hate him, honey. I know he made you happy and I would have accepted him in time."

"I know, Dad. It's okay. I knew you'd come around." I didn't want him to carry an unnecessary guilt. "Edward didn't blame you for your anger at all, he respected you for it. He really hoped to become friends with you eventually."

"Charlie, please sit down." Esme was standing to offer her seat to my dad. He looked slightly uncomfortable but moved to the couch and lowered himself on the end. I sat down beside him and took his warm hand in mine.

"What happened?" He looked hesitant to bring up the awful subject but I knew he was curious about Edward's death.

"We were racing up the cliffs on Goat Rock and he lost his handhold. He fell so quickly and the safety line didn't hold." Emmett provided the lie we needed but his expression betrayed his genuine grief. Rose took his hand in hers and leaned into his shoulder.

"I just never expected this news when my phone rang today." Charlie shook his head in disbelief.

"We are all pretty much still in shock." Jasper added quietly. "Alice had to go to Alaska to stay with relatives for while because she just couldn't handle the stress of Edward being gone. She was very close to him."

The sadness that had surrounded Jasper before when he had spoken about Alice flashed briefly across his face again. I'm not sure he even knew I noticed it but I seemed to be so attuned to his emotions that I couldn't help it. I would have never believed that Jasper and I could grow so close in such a short time but I guess our loneliness had pulled us together.

We spent nearly an hour talking about Edward and how we would miss him while Charlie listened quietly from his corner on the couch. He seemed to be absorbing the love and peace in the room.

"We are going to have a memorial service on Friday at chapel on the edge of town. We would be honored if you would come." Carlisle was looking hopefully at my dad.

"Of course, Carlisle. I really appreciate the way you seem to have helped Bella. It's not that long ago when I thought she would never recover from depression but this horrible incident doesn't seem to have broken her like I would've assumed it would. I think it must be your support and strength that is making the difference." Charlie was looking around the room at each of the Cullens.

"Bella has helped us as much as we have her, if not more. She is a remarkable young woman and we count ourselves lucky to have her as a member of our family. I have told her that Edward brought her to our family but she became part of it due to who she is in her heart." Esme smiled lovingly at me.

"Well, Bella, are you ready to go home now?" Charlie's question caught me off guard, I hadn't even thought of leaving.

Jasper's hand shot to mine immediately after the question was out of my dad's mouth. His fingers were gripping mine as tightly as possible without causing me pain. I looked up into his startled face and he seemed to be pleading with me silently, I met his eyes with a steady gaze. I sent Jasper a deliberate wave of peace to let him know my intentions and he immediately loosened his grip but did not release my hand. Charlie watched the exchange carefully but did not comment on the silent communication between myself and Jasper.

"Dad, I think I need to stay here for now. I need to be here close to Edward's family while we try to struggle through this and say goodbye to ---- Edward." I struggled a little to say his name. Jasper pushed a little peace to me now, returning my earlier favor.

"Sure, Bella. I want you to be where you feel you need to be right now. If this is what you need, honey, then I understand." He was trying his best to support me any way he could. "I just ask that you call me and let me know how you are doing. I can be here in minutes any time you need me."

Charlie rose and walked to the door with me following closely behind. He turned and gathered me in his arms once more before opening the door.

"I love you, Bells."

"I love you too, Dad."

I stood at the door and listened to him pull away, heading back down the drive. I turned back to my family only to see wrinkled noses and looks of disgust. The cause didn't have time to register in my mind before there was another, much louder knock on the front door. The puzzle pieces fell into place and I launched myself at the door to answer it. Jacob must be here!

JPOV

I had almost lost it when Chief Swan had asked Bella if she was ready to go home with him. I am not sure I had ever been more relieved in my life when she told him she thought her place was with us for now. I wasn't even sure how or why I had become so dependent upon Bella in such a short time, I only knew I was. It was something I would have to examine later because I couldn't focus my mind on it at the moment so I allowed myself to push the thought away.

No sooner had Chief Swan gotten down the drive than the smell of wet dog permeated the living room and I knew Jacob Black had arrived. From the sound of the heartbeats on the other side of the door and the overwhelming amount of odor, there was more than one werewolf on our front porch. Just peachy, I sighed.

When Bella saw the look on our faces, she looked perplexed at our expressions because I'm sure we looked like someone pelted us with rotten eggs. Then the loud knock must have caused her to figure out the cause of our consternation because she flung herself at the door to answer it. When she threw open the door, there stood Jacob and Seth both towering over Bella's slight form. She flew into Jacob's arms and buried her face in his neck. Seth stood to the side grinning like a pup who had just won the blue ribbon at the county fair. Relief and joy came from both of them, but love also flowed freely from Jacob.

Unexpectedly, jealousy overtook me completely and I had to make myself sit still fighting a growl that wanted to erupt from me. I wanted to pull Bella from Jacob's arms but I knew that would be unwise and unwarranted on my part so I just forced my feelings away. I kept reminding myself how much she needed all of the support she could get right now and if I was being honest with myself, I had no idea why I felt this way. It was something I would have to revisit later when I didn't feel the need to be on guard.

Esme flitted to the door, determined to be a gracious host even to our mortal enemies.

"Won't you boys come in?" Esme asked sweetly, not because it was an act but because she truly was sweet. "I'm sure Bella wants you to make yourselves at home."

Esme came and sat gracefully on the arm of Carlisle's chair after welcoming our guests into our home. Rose and Emmet stayed put on the loveseat, Rose looked a little uncomfortable but was not putting off any overtly negative feelings. Emmett was just plain curious about the wolves.

Jacob came into the living room more than a little hesitantly but Seth ambled in like he had been here a million times before and I could tell he was totally at ease. I probably would have laughed if it hadn't been for the fact that I was fighting intense jealousy over Jacob's presence. Seth plopped down beside Emmett on the arm of the loveseat. Emmett looked at him curiously but just shrugged and accepted Seth as readily as Seth had accepted him. Jacob pulled Bella to the sofa sat down in the corner opposite of me and Bella sat down between us.

I knew I had no reason to be jealous concerning Bella because we were only friends. I couldn't help but begin to examine my feelings for Bella and decided that it may be something better left for later, maybe when she was asleep. I sighed a little loudly and she looked toward me, taking my hand quietly as she had so often done during the past few hours. I let her feel my understanding and I tried to relax my posture so she would know I was fine with Jacob's presence, even if I didn't know that myself. Bella squeezed my fingers softly and turned her attention back to Jacob. My heart unconsciously sank when she turned her face from me.

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I am not sure this was a great place to end it but it was getting long. More from Jacob and Seth in the next chapter and some sweetness from Jasper ;) I already have part of it written so if I get the time I'll try to have it out this weekend. We still have the memorial service coming up and a few more tearful moments but stick with me and hopefully you won't be disappointed.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Still not mine, unfortunately. I had this chapter written and suddenly I changed my mind about part of it, I hate when that happens. I hope you like it, let me know!!

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JPOV

Emmett and Rose excused themselves to go upstairs just after Jacob and Bella sat down. They didn't want to overwhelm Bella and wanted her to feel comfortable talking with Jacob, plus I am sure the werewolf smell was getting to them both. I on the other hand couldn't make myself leave, as much as I hated to see the interaction between Bella and Jacob it was like watching a horrific car accident I couldn't look away from.

Esme rose gracefully from her perch beside Carlisle to stand before us.

"Would you boys like something to drink, maybe some sandwiches? I have some food in the kitchen since Bella has been here with us." She was looking hopefully at Jacob and Seth wringing her hands nervously.

Jacob seemed to grimace slightly but Seth was quick to stand to his feet. He was grinning from ear to ear, completely at ease in our home.

"That'd be great, Mrs. Cullen." Seth said happily. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, that'd would be lovely, Seth." Esme smiled warmly at him.

As the two of them left for the kitchen, Carlisle excused himself to go to his study to phone the hospital about taking time off for Edward's service. Jacob just shook his head slightly at Seth's gregarious nature.

"Seth will probably be spending the night with Emmett before we know it." Jacob snorted slightly before turning his attention back to Bella.

"Bella, are you really okay?" Jacob leaned toward Bella speaking calmly. "I have been worried out of my mind about you since Seth told us what happened. I wish there was something I could have done."

"I am doing pretty well." Bella looked thankfully in my direction before turning back to her conversation with Jacob. Her hand was still grasping mine tightly. "I am trying to come to terms with him being gone. I can't believe he won't ever walk through the door again. It's like I am living my worst nightmare and I can't seem to wake up. I know you didn't approve of him, Jake, but he was the love of my life."

Jacob flinched slightly at Bella's words because even though they were true enough he didn't want to cause her any more worry. His attention shifted to me and he looked thoughtfully between me and Bella, curiosity was dominating him but he didn't say anything. He turned his attention back to Bella and I tried to let them talk but I was still fighting very negative feelings toward Jacob.

"Bella, I never wanted this to happen, I mean I wasn't happy about you and Edward. You know I love you. I don't trust vampires and I never will. I'm sorry but it's just the way it is, every instinct in me tells me I should protect you from them but I am trying really hard to understand. You love them like family and they have protected you." Jacob looked toward me. "I wish you had gone home with your dad but I guess you feel you can heal better here."

"Jasper has been helping me cope with my emotions somewhat." She smiled tentatively at me. "I think it is best I stay here for a while at least."

"You're the one who reads people's feelings right?" Jacob was studying me carefully.

"Yes, you could say that." I replied. "I can also project feelings too."

He raised a thoughtful eyebrow at me before turning back to Bella.

"Jasper told me you were the one who broke the news to Charlie. I have to admit I was surprised because I know you haven't handled stress well before." He seemed a little hesitant to bring up Bella's past break down but it didn't seem to faze her. I guess in perspective, this was a much bigger obstacle to overcome.

Bella looked a little startled and she stole a quick look at me while quirking her left eyebrow slightly. Then it dawned on me that I hadn't told her that I had spoken with Jacob since the fight. I gave her an embarrassed little smile, rubbing the back of my neck with my other hand and then she turned back to Jacob. There were quite a few emotions pouring from her and I couldn't even begin to guess what she was thinking.

"I didn't know you had spoken with Jasper." Bella said quietly. Thankfully, she wasn't upset but instead pride was coming from her. Now I was confused because I couldn't figure out who she was feeling proud of. "But I am glad you and Seth are here now. I don't want you to worry about me. The Cullens are taking very good care of me."

Jacob looked like he was about to make a negative comment but be seemed to change his mind and patted the back of Bella's other hand instead. I watched the whole exchange and fought back the urge to put myself between them. I was beginning to feel like a fifth wheel but I didn't want to interfere in their conversation.

Seth emerged from the kitchen and looked at all of us and grinned widely.

"The grubs ready, Jake, and it looks wonderful." He didn't wait for an acknowledgement from Jacob but disappeared back into the kitchen.

Jacob rose from his spot on the couch and looked at me down from his full height. He was still feeling protective of Bella but he didn't seem overly antagonistic toward me. I tried to return the favor but I was more than ready for them to leave. Bella and stood up to follow him in the kitchen, she was still clutching my hand but I didn't mind.

"I can't believe I'm eating a sandwich with a vampire." Jacob said in a very low tone that I'm sure Bella couldn't hear but he seemed to be mumbling more to himself than to me.

Jacob and Seth ate their meal in the kitchen where Bella had dined earlier. I noticed that even though Jacob never fully relaxed in our presence, he did eat quite a bit. I think he could have given Emmett a run for his money. Bella even nibbled lightly on a sandwich as she talked with them. Seth laughed and joked and was truly happy, it was refreshing change from the intense feelings Jacob was projecting. They stayed and visited with Bella while I just observed the nuances of their interactions. Jacob was still very much in love with Bella and I wondered if he was hoping to have a shot with her now that Edward was gone. But I seriously doubted that even Jacob would push the issue so soon.

When they were done with their visit just after nightfall, Bella followed them to the door. She hugged Seth first and he picked her up just a bit from the floor. When she moved to hug Jacob he squeezed her tightly and then pulled back and studied her face for a moment before kissing her lightly on the cheek. I found I couldn't contain the small growl that escaped my lips. Bella turned to look at me with a slightly perplexed look on her face. Jacob narrowed his eyes slightly at me but didn't say anything else and turned to follow Seth out the door into the darkness.

BPOV

I found I was both emotionally and physically drained after the long day I had trying to be strong for all of my family. I was ready for bed so I moved toward the stairs but I hesitated at the bottom. I didn't really want to be by myself so I turned back to Jasper. He was still hovering by the door and appeared to be unsure of what came next.

"Jasper, I am really tired right now." He nodded at me but didn't say anything. "Would you, I mean will you, um could you…" I sighed in frustration at my awkwardness; I'm sure my cheeks were a brilliant red right about now.

"Will you come up with me?" I spit it all out at once in a rush and his eyes widened slightly.

"Sure." It was a one word answer but he didn't hesitate and joined me on the stairs.

When we reached Alice's room, I saw a beautiful sapphire blue pajama set on the bed. I smiled slightly, Rose must have thought ahead to my needs and I excused myself to go into the bathroom to change. When I closed the door behind me, I studied the pajamas in my hand. They were elegant to be sure but extremely soft, I appreciated the obvious thoughtfulness that Rose had put into choosing something I would feel comfortable wearing.

As I hung my clothes from the day up on the hook on the back of the bathroom door, the sound of an acoustic guitar being softly strummed floated through the door. I listened quietly to the music as it swirled through the air. I had never known that Jasper played but that is who it had to be, the sound came from just beyond the door from the bedroom. The melody sounded old fashioned and sweet and I hurried through the rest of my bedtime preparations so I could hear him play more.

I came quietly out the door to find Jasper sitting in the chair he had occupied previously when I had awoken. He did indeed have a beautiful dark guitar on his lap that he was strumming quietly. Jasper's eyes were closed in concentration as he picked the intricate melody easily from the guitar's strings. When he finished the song, his eyes opened and he met my gaze.

"That was beautiful, Jasper. I had no idea that you played." I hoped he wasn't upset at my interruption.

"I find it helps me relax and I can lose myself in music when I feel overwhelmed." He smiled at me before continuing. "That song is about the only thing I remember from my human life. My father used to play it for my mother when I was young."

The sadness that flashed on his face was fleeting and Jasper looked at me thoughtfully.

"It's okay, Bella. You can't really miss what you can't remember. I am sure it would be different with you, your heart is so big that I am sure you would remember all your family." He said. "Would you like me to help you fall asleep?"

"Yes, please." I then crawled under the covers before looking toward Jasper. "Will you play for me too? Music helps me sleep."

"Of course, I'd be happy to." He watched me settle into the bed before he began to play a beautiful soft song that sounded slightly familiar. I didn't have much time to focus on where I had heard the song before as I began to feel really sleepy.

As I drifted into a deep sleep, words began to caress me and it sounded like maybe Jasper was singing softly to me. I tried to concentrate on his voice and the words but I was so tired, I only heard pieces of the melody.

_It's the way that you blush when you're nervous…_

_If you need anything, just say the word…_

_It's your finger and how I'm wrapped around it…_

_Just let me sing you to sleep…_

……….

Suddenly I was in a familiar passageway, it was long and dark, the floor was gray rock and the walls were made of the same dark rock. Although it wasn't exactly like the passage to Volterra, I knew that was where I was and I knew I had to be dreaming. The corridor was wider at the end where I stood but it narrowed considerably as it lay before me and it felt uncomfortably damp. I had no idea how long the passageway was but it was long enough that I couldn't clearly see the other end and I was terrified; almost as much as when I was here before with Alice and Edward. I walked tentatively into the dark because there was a solid wall behind me so I had nowhere to go but forward. I knew someone was at the other end of the hallway but I couldn't see who, it was more of a premonition or instinct perhaps because I sure couldn't see them.

As I made my way slowly down the hall I could see the form taking a more definite shape and my heart quickened and spasmed with fear. My knees were starting to shake so much that it was getting hard for me to continue but I somehow knew that it was important for me to keep moving forward. I could hear someone breathing at the other end of the hall and I began to panic.

"Bella," the voice was familiar and comforting, "it's alright. I won't hurt you."

My heart leapt suddenly into my throat. It was Edward at the other end of the hallway and I wanted to run to him. I tried to make my feet move more quickly but they wouldn't obey me and I was moving at the same slow pace, my legs felt like they were made of lead and now I wanted to scream with my frustration but I couldn't.

"Edward, I'm trying! I can't go any faster!" I began to cry with panic. "I want to come to you… Please, come and get me! I need you!"

"Bella, love, I can't come to you. You have to stay where you are." His words sounded soothing but I wanted him so badly.

"Please, Edward. I am begging you. I don't want to lose you again. How will I survive?" I was trying to shout the words but they came out in whisper. I had finally reached an area close enough to see his beautiful face but now I couldn't move at all and I wasn't close enough to touch him, I began to sob shamelessly.

"Bella, you will make it. You have a family and friends to help you through and with the dawn there comes light. Bella I had to leave, I'm so sorry…it's fate." His face was fading from my vision and I became even more agitated.

"Don't go, Edward!!" I was screaming.

"_Bella"_

"_Bella, sweetheart…"_

"_Bella, please you need to wake up."_

"Jasper is calling you. He will help you if you let him." Edward's eyes were sad and then he was gone.

I sat up with a start, shivering from the cold sweat that covered my body. Jasper was kneeling beside the bed, with his hands on both of my arms panic playing on his beautiful face.

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If you want to know what Jasper is singing, the link is on my profile. It's "Lullaby" by The Spill Canvas. Edward's theme song is "Breathe In, Breathe Out" by Mat Kearney, a real tear jerker of a music video if I do say so myself.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: I'm sorry it took me so long to get this out but I have a been a busy girl lately. I thought we needed just a little break from overwhelming grief, after all the memorial service is coming up. Here's a little Jasper sweetness for your enjoyment. Please review!

Still not mine...

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JPOV

When Bella asked me to play my guitar while she fell asleep the perfect song came to mind. I had heard it a couple of times and it was a lullaby that described Bella perfectly and it was soft and soothing and I felt sure it would help her fall asleep. I couldn't resist singing the lyrics softly as I played the song. As I finished the last of the song, Bella sighed in her sleep and I hoped she would sleep peacefully.

The events of the past few days played in my head and I couldn't believe how much things had changed for all of us in such a short time. I had no idea that I could ever be as jealous over someone as I had been over Bella and Jacob's relationship but there was no denying my feelings, I didn't want Jacob anywhere near her. I still loved and missed Alice so much that I had no idea where this emotion came from and I was struggling with it. I knew I needed to control it because it just wasn't proper and Bella had enough on her plate without me acting like a fool. Still I knew that it would be difficult to control.

Alice. I missed her so much that I physically ached with her absence. I knew I needed to tell Bella what had happened to her but I think waiting until after Edward's memorial service was the right decision. My eyes ran over her sleeping figure in our bed and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Alice would be happy Bella was feeling safe and loved. I just had to focus on that and not worry about all the extra things life seemed to be throwing at us at the moment.

It occurred to me in my musings that I hadn't really been thirsting for Bella's blood since I had caught her in the clearing, I only felt protective of her well actually extremely protective of her. Even when I had actually been thirsty, I hadn't thought of harming Bella and I wondered where I had found this new level of control. Alice had apparently been right, I was strong enough. While I was relieved to not be thirsting for her blood, I would need to ask Carlisle about it because he may be able to shed some light on it.

Suddenly Bella began stirring in the bed and the emotions that began rolling off of Bella were almost crippling to me as a nightmare started to take shape in her mind. I was trying to block the negative grief and sadness while forcing peace and calm to her. I couldn't help her if I allowed myself to being overwhelmed. I flew to the side of her bed while she seemed to be struggling against someone or something so I tried to block out the negative so I could focus on her. The sounds coming from her were extremely muted and even with my hearing I couldn't understand her words and the panic that was building in her was beginning to spiral out of control so I began to speak softly to her to help her leave her dream world.

"Bella…" I said softly as I could trying not to startle her too much. She didn't seem to hear me so I tried again.

"Bella, sweetheart…" I tried again raising my volume slightly but her eyes remained squeezed tightly together in fear.

"Bella, please you need to wake up." I raised my voice a little more; I wasn't above begging her because the emotions pouring off her were beginning to panic me too. I leaned over her and put my hands on the tops of her arms trying to strengthen my empathic bond with her.

Suddenly, Bella shot up into a sitting position her knees drawn up to her chest with her arms wrapped around them, she was shaking from her dreams and she seemed chilled and disoriented. Her face was drawn up in confusion and panic and my heart lurched at her pain. I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her that it would all be okay but I wasn't even certain of that myself.

"Jasper…" She looked toward me and relief flooded her body but it was mixed with certain sadness. Tears began to stream down her beautiful face. "Edward was with me. I couldn't get to him, my body wouldn't move. He said light comes with the dawn and he was telling me I would be alright, that it was fate. How will I ever be alright without him, Jasper? Do you think it was really him or was it just wishful thinking on my part?" She was shaking her head from side to side slowly, trying to make sense of the dream.

"I don't know, Bella. I don't know if the dead can visit you in a dream but then again I'm sure most people don't believe in vampires or werewolves either. Edward loved you more than his own life so maybe he was trying to comfort you and tell you that it's okay to move on. But I am, I mean we are, all here for you right now. You will never ever be alone." I pushed my feelings of hope to her. She turned her head slightly, resting her cheek against her knee as she looked toward me with gratitude.

"Thank you, I don't know how I ever got so lucky to find this family." She sighed with relief at the positive emotions I was feeding her and I released her arms from my grip.

"Do you think you can sleep if I help you?" Her eyes looked a little panicked at the thought so I added, "I promise I will push you into a dreamless sleep."

"I trust you, Jasper." She lay back down as I digested her last sentence. Bella trusted me. I couldn't remember the last time someone fully trusted me, even myself. I felt a new sensation fill me completely, wonder.

Bella settled back into her pillow and reached her hand toward mine. I took her hand in mine and let the relief of her touch spread over me, and then I let her feel it too mirroring it back to her. She smiled slightly as she looked up into my face. I let lethargy drift over her as she was watching me, letting it steadily increase to help her fall asleep. Her eyes began to blink slowly as it took effect on her conscience mind. Just before she slipped totally into her dreamless sleep she mumbled a word softly to me.

"Savior…" Then she was calm and completely relaxed and I wondered what her last word to me meant. I stayed right beside her, watching her carefully for any signs of distress, ready to send her back to the peaceful land of nod if necessary but my fears were unfounded and she slept peacefully through the rest of the night. As dawn broke through the half drawn blinds, light began to dance into the room and it played across the softly painted walls. The light prismed off of my skin and the scars on my arm and it made small rainbows across the face of the sleeping beauty before me, I sighed at the picture before me. I had never thought of my skin as beautiful but in combination with Bella's skin, it was extraordinary.

I felt Rose approach the room and she knocked softly on the door so she wouldn't wake Bella. She opened the door quietly and entered, taking in the picture of me beside Bella. She made sure I felt her emotions as she deliberately projected pride to me, I lifted my eyebrow to her in question. Rose just shrugged and I realized she wasn't going to enlighten me any further. She had another change of clothes in her arms for Bella. Rose went into the adjoining bathroom to leave the clothes for Bella.

"Jasper, do you think she would let me take her to Charlie's to pick up some of her own items? She would probably be a lot more comfortable in her own things." Rosalie wanted to reach out to Bella and I thought it was a great idea.

"Of course she will, Rose. I think she really wants to get to know you better."

"I have never given her any reason to trust me before. I know I treated her horribly before and now I'm not sure I can make up for it but I want to try." Rose was sincere in wanting to help Bella any way she could.

"Rose, if I have learned one thing about Bella in the last few days, it's that we have all underestimated her capacity to love and forgive. I had always assumed she was just human but I think we may have forgotten what that really means. It means she can adapt and change much more readily than any of us can. We probably should all learn a lesson about our relationships from her." Rose was absorbing my words and mulling them over.

"I'll ask her then. Thanks, Jazz." Rose left the room and closed the door quietly behind her.

Bella began stirring and her eyes popped suddenly open. I let her cycle through her emotions as she came to consciousness from her sleep state without speaking to her. Her eyes reached mine and at first she felt regret and my heart plummeted but then overwhelming relief took the place of the regret. Bella sat up slowly and smiled a little apprehensively at me.

"Good morning, Jasper." She seemed to be trying to pick her words carefully before continuing. "When I first started waking up, I had hoped that the last few days were just a bad dream but I realized they were unfortunately true. But I am so relieved you stayed with me and helped me through the rest of the night."

"My pleasure, sweetheart." I smiled back at her and was happy that the emotions weren't what they had seemed to be at first. "I can smell your breakfast from the kitchen so whenever you're ready, I'm sure everyone else would like to see you."

"It won't take me long. I'll be right back."

Bella's cheeks turned pink but she scooted out of the bed and walked toward the bathroom. Her mood was remarkably much lighter than the day before and she didn't seem to need any help from me this morning as she went to prepare for the day.

Bella was true to her word and was out the bathroom much quicker than I would have ever thought possible for a human teenage girl. She was showered and dressed and seemed ready to take on the day but she still seemed a little hesitant and I guessed she was still trying to find her place in our family.

BPOV

I was happy to find another seemingly carefully chosen change of clothes waiting for me in the restroom. I hoped I would have a chance to thank Rosalie today for the kindness she had been showing me. I had never expected her to treat me so nicely but I was thankful that maybe our relationship would have a chance to grow.

When I had woken up to Jasper's face, the brutal reality of everything came back suddenly and I knew sadly it was all true. However I was so thankful that Jasper was here because he had truly become such an integral part of my life. I was beginning to wonder how I would survive without him constantly by my side when Alice returned. I pushed the thought aside as I finished my morning routine, I didn't want to keep Esme waiting.

When I exited the bathroom, I found Jasper waiting for me in his usual chair. He was looking out the window but his attention turned to me as I came out the door and he rose from his seated position. Jasper had apparently taken the time to freshen up himself and his damp blonde hair was curlier than usual and he was comfortably dressed in jeans and button up shirt that was untucked. He walked toward me and I thought back to my first impression of him as leonine. It was definitely apropos but I was realizing there was so much more to Jasper than just the way he carried himself. When he reached me, he inhaled deeply and that same little hint of sadness I had seen on his face danced across it once again. Jasper shook his head slightly and I knew it was his way of telling me it just wasn't time. He held out his hand and I more than willingly took it.

When we reached the kitchen, Esme had once again prepared me a lovely breakfast and I made sure I ate as much as I could. Jasper sat across me and we chatted casually about various things, I was enjoying the small talk when Rose walked into the kitchen. She appeared slightly nervous as she approached us but Jasper nodded encouragingly toward her and she smiled a little.

"Bella, would you like me to take you to Charlie's house to pick up some of your own things? I mean we could order some things for you if you would like but I thought you might want some of your own clothes and special items to make you feel more at home." Rosalie rushed the words out quickly, almost as if she was afraid of my reaction.

Jasper's eyes sparkled with laughter but he seemed to be holding it back, it almost wasn't fair to us that he could read both of our emotions and knew my answer before I spoke it. I shot him a reproving look and he turned away staring at the wall with a sudden curiosity as if it held the secret to life.

"Rosalie, that would be wonderful. I think it would be nice to have a few of my own things, not that I haven't noticed how carefully it seems you have chose items for me. Thank you for your kindness." I wanted her to know how much her small gestures had meant to me.

"You're welcome, Bella. Please call me Rose, all of the family does. I will pull the car around to the door." She smiled at me before shooting Jasper a look and exiting the room. When Rose had turned her attention on him, he once again turned back to his study of the wall.

I patted Jasper on the shoulder as I left to go join Rose. I was a little apprehensive about being alone with her but I knew she was reaching out to me and I was grateful.

I slid into Rose's car and thought it was a perfect symbol of her - beautiful, fast and loads of attitude. Rose smiled at me again as I fastened my seatbelt into place and then we off quickly in typical Cullen style.

"Bella, I want you to know that I really am sorry for everything that has happened." I could feel her sorrow even without Jasper's ability. "I think that maybe when Edward brought you to our home, I was a little bit jealous of you."

I couldn't help myself; I snorted a little at her words and remembered that Edward had once told me something similar. She laughed a little too but continued.

"I mean you can have everything I ever wanted but was denied when I was changed into a vampire. You can have a husband, children and old age. I just didn't know how to handle my feelings toward you." She looked a little timidly at me before continuing. "I understand that you loved Edward but I didn't think you could really understand what you were giving up to stay with him forever. I'm sorry but I realize now that I just didn't give you enough credit to make the right decision. The past few weeks I have come to accept you as a sister, I want you to know that I will always think of you that way even if you decide to leave and find a new life."

I began to cry softly at Rose's words. I had never expected her to be so openly honest with me but I was grateful for this chance to talk with her.

"Rose, you will never know how much what you just said means to me. I never thought we would ever be able to be friends let alone sisters." I touched her hand and smiled at her through my tears.

"Bella, please don't cry. Jasper will kill me if he knows I made you cry. Besides I will probably still be a bitch occasionally after all it's who I am, and sisters do occasionally disagree." She laughed once again and I laughed along with her.

Charlie wasn't at home when we reached his house so I left him note telling him I was sorry I had missed him and I promised to call him later. Rose and I quickly gathered clothing and some personal items like my computer, journals and some of my favorite books. As Rose put the items in the car I looked back at the small home I had shared with Charlie and it was then that I realized I didn't think of it as home anymore. Home was with Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rose and Jasper.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Did you guys miss me? I am so sorry I haven't updated sooner! I promise I have thought about this story daily but I struggled with this chapter horribly. I hope it is up to par and you enjoy it, well it is about the memorial service so enjoy may not be the right word. I found that I had a hard time channeling grief when it is beautful outside and life is going wonderfully. Anyway, this is the longest chapter I have written so far. I am a little anxious about it so please review and let me know what you think.

We all know by now, I am not Stephenie and she owns all of the Twilight world.

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BPOV

The week before Edward's service passed in a blur. I am really not sure of where the time went only that it did pass. My mind was numb but thanks to Jasper's calming influence I never fell into a deep depression but he did help me fall into a deep dreamless sleep every night so my nightmares wouldn't return. I was determined to stay strong for them all. I even got to know each of Edward's family members much better as we spent the days together, remembering what he had meant to each of us. My dependence upon Jasper was growing exponentially but I couldn't stop it nor did I even want to because it seemed like we fulfilled a significant purpose in each other's life. If there is one thing I have learned from the vampire world, it is that is better not to question or try to fight fate and our symbiotic relationship was apparently fated.

The day of the memorial service dawned gray, dismal, and rainy; once again it was an abnormally cold June day even for Forks. It was like nature was providing an appropriate backdrop for our sorrow and mourning our loss right along with us. We all hoped that this would help us to get some closure but we all knew deep down that Edward would always be with us somehow.

When we reached the small chapel it was almost like stepping back in time to a bygone era where you would expect horses to be tethered to hitching posts outside instead of the modern cars in the small gravel lot. The chapel was a whitewashed wooden building with a high dark roof that had a small steeple topped by a copper cross tinged a green hue due to age. The shutters on the windows had probably been black at one time but now were faded to an attractive dark gray. There were tall trees surrounding it and flowers planted in neat beds on either side of the gray stone steps that led to the dark red wooden door. I loved the building; it seemed full of history and character, much like my adoptive family.

I instinctively grasped Jasper's cold hand when we approached the door. He gently squeezed my fingers in reassurance and continued to supply me his own special calming influence. As we entered the chapel, I noticed several of my former classmates had gathered to pay their respects to Edward. Mike and Jessica were sitting together, whispering quietly. Angela and Ben were sitting quietly just behind them. Tyler and Eric were also there and several of the nurses and doctors were sitting on the other side of the building. It humbled me too when Jasper whispered in my ear that my friends had all been worried about me since they had found out about Edward's accident.

At the front of the small sanctuary was a small antique pillar with a gray marble urn on it. I knew instinctively without asking that Edward's ashes must be in the urn. I struggled with several emotions at once because while it drove home the fact that he would never hold me again, I was relieved that his ashes had not just been lost to the wilderness where he had fallen so tragically because I saw that as a place of extreme sorrow. I felt his final resting place should be in the meadow where I first discovered how beautiful Edward truly was, on the inside as well as on the out. I hadn't talked with his family about it but I hoped they would agree. At the moment, I was trying not to let my emotions overwhelm me because I knew Jasper would have to struggle with everyone else's sorrow and grief today too. He squeezed my hand tightly as if he knew my thoughts.

Charlie sat on the third row on the right side of the sanctuary and I slid in beside him, pulling Jasper with me. Jasper never tried to release my hand and I was grateful for his support. Charlie kissed me lightly on the cheek and took my other hand in his. The contrast between Charlie's warmth and Jasper's cold calmed me more than anything else, two people who both cared about me, so different yet the same. My two worlds were ones of distinct contrasts but I loved them both but I knew that eventually I would have to choose, yet that was a decision for another day.

Rosalie went solemnly to an ancient upright piano at the front of the chapel. She placed her hands lightly on the keys and keeping her eyes focused on her hands, took a deep calming breath before she began to play "Amazing Grace" softly and reverently. I realized that Rose played almost as well as Edward and the song seemed to echo our sadness but the melody was also cathartic. When she finished the timeless song, Carlisle and Esme rose from their seat on the front pew and went to stand behind the wooden pulpit as Rose took her seat next to Emmett on the seat just in front of us. Carlisle and Esme were supporting each other through the difficult task of honoring their eldest son.

Carlisle put his arm lightly around Esme's waist as they reached the small wooden pulpit that stood at the front of the chapel just behind the urn. He cleared his throat before he began to speak about Edward. While the eulogies wouldn't be completely truthful since there was a certain public story to follow, the sentiment would still be true and heartfelt.

"I want to first thank everyone for their outpouring of love and support for our family. We really appreciate it more than I could ever put into words. Edward was the first of our adoptive children to come to live with us. Like most foster children, he was angry and confused at first and I'm sure he missed his parents terribly but we loved him from the start." He paused for a moment while he gathered his thoughts and emotions. "Edward set high standards for himself and sometimes he questioned if he could ever live up to those expectations. He didn't always see himself very clearly but we all saw the truly caring person he was. Edward had a knack for looking beyond a person's flaws and turning a negative into a positive and he accepted people for who they were even if he had a hard time accepting himself. He would go out of his way to make people feel better about themselves. I came to rely on his opinion in the short time we spent together as father and son. I feel truly privileged to have known him, and that he called me father. I love and miss him very much." Carlisle turned his face and buried it for a moment in Esme's hair before she began speaking.

"Edward was musically gifted and he touched us all with his compositions." Esme began strong but faltered after her first sentence and a tear slid silently down her cheek. She stared down at her hands briefly gathering courage before she lifted her eyes and continued. "He wrote a song for me shortly after he came to live with us and it bonded us as mother and son much strongly than words because it was a true gift from his heart to mine. He told me it was a song that represented how he saw mine and Carlisle's love for each other and he played it for me often, especially when I felt down. Then we were fortunate enough to have him bring Bella into our family. She is truly a gift that he didn't even realize he was giving us. When we lost Edward, we all lost a piece of ourselves but he left part of himself in his tremendous love for Bella and we are thankful to still have her in our lives. I have to say that we all have grown stronger and closer because of him."

My heart swelled with love at her words and the tears began sliding unbidden down my cheeks. From my left side I felt waves of comfort through my connection with Jasper. From my right side, Charlie offered me a handkerchief. I quickly wiped my eyes, trying to regain control of my emotions.

Carlisle and Esme returned to their seat as Rose and Emmett replaced them at the ancient pulpit. Emmett placed his hands on the small wooden pulpit, dwarfing it in his grasp as he surveyed the congregation of friends and family. He seemed to be gathering his thoughts and then he took deep breath and began. Rose's hand rested lightly on his side and her attention was on the man she loved as he took a deep breath before beginning his eulogy.

"When Carlisle and Esme adopted me, Edward, Jasper and Rosalie were already living with them. They have such a big heart that they knew they wanted to add to their family so they chose to bring me into their fold." He smiled slightly at the memory before continuing. "I had no idea how to relate to Edward when I first came into the family. He was so straight-laced and proper and I didn't think we had anything at all in common because I am a big prankster. I love to have fun and joke around and that is the way I usually try to break the ice so I probably tortured Edward when I first became a Cullen."

Emmett paused for a moment, looking down at the pulpit in front of him. He returned his attention back to the audience and continued. "He was polite with me but I just didn't feel like he knew what to think of me. I didn't feel like he resented me or anything, we just didn't seem to have a lot in common and I didn't feel that comfortable around him. That all changed one day when I came home from a hunting trip with Carlisle, I went to take a shower and while I was in the the shower someone came into my room and took all of my left shoes."

Emmett's eyes sparkled with laughter at the memory from long ago. "Yep, every last one was gone. It took me forever to figure out that it had been Edward. It was then and there that I knew he understood me. He was reaching out to me by playing a prank on me and letting me know he understood me. After that, I could talk to him about anything and he became the brother I had always wanted and needed but I never did find those shoes."

Emmett stepped to the side and Rosalie shifted forward to the pulpit. She looked like she was about ready to cry but she wouldn't let herself dissolve into tears in front of the crowd. She looked toward me and smiled a little bit, seemingly taking courage from us. I had learned that while Rose was a strong-willed person who often comes off as harsh, deep down she was like everyone else and just trying to get through life one day at time while dealing with regrets of a life she felt had gone wrong. Her defense mechanism was just a little more firmly in place because of her past.

"Like Emmett, Edward was a little distant with me when Jasper and I first arrived into the family. But in all honesty, I wasn't very warm toward him either or anyone for that matter. He knew I came from a very bad experience prior to Esme and Carlisle adopting me. I am not sure how much he knew but he never pushed me any type of explanation of why I was so cold to him and everyone else. Edward was very patient with me and never passed judgment on me." Rose looked down at her hands, pausing to take in an unnecessary breath. "I guess you could say I had always been self-centered and had always gotten all I wanted from life previously. Suddenly, the rug was pulled out from under me and I was angry at the world for letting me down. Edward understood that and let me come around on my own time. We never had a big heart-to-heart talk or anything like that. We grew to be brother and sister gradually through his patience and understanding. Edward never chastised me for my shortcomings but he was always there to defend me and I trusted him implicitly. I may have never told him how much that meant to me but he was truly my brother and I will miss him and I hope he knew that."

Emmett hugged Rose to him and she pressed her face into his neck. They stood quietly at the altar gathering their emotions before making their way quietly back to their seat. I knew now it was Jasper's turn and I didn't want to release his hand but I knew it was time. When I went to let go of his fingers, he instead tightened his grip and began to pull me behind him. I was slightly confused but I realized he didn't want to go up alone nor did he want me to have stand alone either and I slid out behind him.

When we reached the pulpit, we dropped our joined hands between us as we faced the small audience. I began to push thoughts of comfort and hope to Jasper as he prepared to speak and he glanced at me with gratitude as he began to speak about his fallen brother.

"I honestly don't want to remember much about my previous life before coming to join the Cullen family. I know that they have offered me a life that I never dreamed was possible. The sheer volume of love in this family is truly astounding and I am so gratefully they brought me into their fold." Jasper's deep voice began soothingly. "Not many couples are like Carlisle and Esme, taking in stray teenagers with troubled pasts to make a family. We all came to them with baggage but they loved us without conditions and helped us learn to trust."

Jasper smiled slightly in gratitude at his parents before he continued. "As you have heard, Edward was accepting. I had been prone to violence before I came to live with the Cullen's. You might say I had gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd and I had no idea how to live a peaceful way of life but Edward never made me feel like a bad seed. He took me at face value and he accepted me for who I was. He would even come to me occasionally for advice and that made me realize he valued my opinion as much as I valued his. I am proud to have called Edward Cullen my brother."

Jasper's voice cracked slightly at the end and I would have hugged him but I didn't think it would be appropriate in front of an audience. Most people would never understand my new connection to the wonderful man beside me but our family understood and accepted it so I knew that it would all work out for the best. Jasper shifted to the side and I moved slightly forward. I fixed my gaze on the urn in front of me and I tried to find the words that I wanted to say but grief began to well up from my soul and it was threatening to overtake me. Jasper squeezed my hand once more and I began to feel peace invade my entire being, I shuddered slightly under the intensity of it before he pulled it back slightly. I looked into his amber eyes and took my courage from the intensity of his gaze. I looked back at the audience and I tried to keep my eyes on Carlisle and Esme as I began to speak.

"The first time I ever saw Edward, his outward beauty astounded me so completely that I could not fathom he would ever notice me. Our first few meetings were rocky to say the least and I am sure he doubted the sanity of getting to know me better." I looked at my friends and they were all quietly urging me to continue with their expressions. "But we did get to know each other and it was…it was wondrous. That is the only way I can describe my love for him. Edward was intrigued by me and me by him and now…" Tears were streaming steadily and I stopped speaking while I tried to find the words. Jasper rubbed his thumb soothingly on the top of my hand while increasing the flow of steady comfort he was supplying me.

"I had a very hard time accepting the gift of his love for me. He always said I didn't see myself clearly because I didn't feel I was pretty enough for him but as Carlisle said before, he didn't see himself clearly either. Edward was truly beautiful inside and out." I let my eyes take in everyone's expressions of support. "I am just sorry that I never told him but I do accept that he truly did love me. I now know that it was a forever, unconditional love but he will never know that I now understand and I will always regret that. But I will also always be grateful that he showed me how strong real love can be, it is an emotion that grows and changes and envelopes others around you. Now that Edward is gone, my love has gone on to envelope his wonderful family and for that gift I will always be indebted to him."

My words were exhausted as was my emotions. I felt wrung out and limp and I turned my face into Jasper's shoulder. At that moment I didn't care about how it might look, I needed the comfort only he could supply and I greedily took it.

I don't recall much from the immediate moments following my eulogy to Edward. Snippets of time were pressed into my memory but the whole picture would probably never be complete. I am sure my mind was putting itself in hibernation mode as a method of protection from impending overload. Rosalie played another hymn, the melody familiar but the name was beyond my grasp. Jasper led me to the doors, still holding tightly to my hand. The other family members were there. People passed us, people hugged us, people spoke words to us. Nothing registered in my mind. Through it all, Jasper kept me sane and I tried to focus on his touch and concern for me. Charlie kissed my cheek, and then he was gone.

Jasper put his hands on either side of my face and looked deeply into my eyes. I made myself focus on his voice and the words he began to speak to me.

"Bella, it is time to go, everyone has gone. Are you alright, sweetheart?" His voice was quiet and soothing and it made me remember an earlier thought.

"I know where Edward needs to be." A look of confusion crossed Jasper's face at the words that hurriedly flew from my mouth.

"He needs to rest in the meadow." Jasper smiled slightly with understanding and just nodded his head in agreement. I sighed with relief; Edward would be at rest in a place we both loved.

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I meant for the last part to be somewhat choppy and disjointed. I found that when I have lost someone I really love, there are points during the grieving process that are foggy and hard to remember so that is what I was trying to project. Hopefully, I was successful. Oh and yes, I know that most people don't think vampires cry but I feel if they can generate other bodily fluids (think Breaking Dawn) and they can dissolve contacts with the venom in their eyes, they can cry too. At least it is so in my little vampire world.

Songspiration for this chapter: Broken by Seether featuring Amy Lee, and yeah the link is on my profile ;)


	12. Chapter 12

AN: So this chapter has been written in my head since the beginning of the story. It's kind of one of those turning point chapters that I know will be in there. You guys will never know how happy your kind reviews make me so keep it up! I do not have a beta so please overlook any typos, I will probably eventually find them and fix them because I somewhat obsessive like that ;)

I am not Stephenie - but I like playing with Jasper

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JPOV

The memorial service had chewed Bella up and spit her out. She was struggling against the heavy burden of grief as I led her to the back of the chapel where we would say thank you to the people in attendance for their show of support and love. I could tell she was on autopilot, but at least she was still conscience and not semi-comatose like she had been in the clearing. I had begun to pour every positive emotion I could manufacture to her in hopes of keeping her from completely shutting down. Everyone passed offering their condolences and support. I honestly wasn't paying much attention because my focus was on Bella. Charlie came up to us and looked questioningly at me and the way I had Bella pulled into my side. I had no idea what to say to him concerning Bella's distress or our obvious dependence upon each other. Carlisle took the matter into his own hands and to my great relief handled the situation as only he could.

"Bella will be fine, Charlie. She is just dealing with her grief internally right now. She and Jasper have grown very close recently." He was sincere and his tone immediately put Charlie at ease. "They are both missing the ones they love and have been a great comfort and support for each other. I am glad they have each other to turn to in such troubling times."

Thankfully Charlie felt an immediate sense of relief. He truly loved Bella and really only wanted her to be alright. I think he was afraid she would slip back into the dark abyss she occupied when Edward had left her before. But I knew deep down that this Bella was not the same girl we had left behind, this Bella was much stronger and determined even though she was struggling at the moment.

"Thank you, Jasper." Charlie mumbled quietly to me projecting honest gratitude to me even though he didn't even realize it. "Bells, I love you. I want to spend some time with you but I have patrol duty tonight. Please call me when you can come over for a visit or I can come to you whatever you want. Just let me know." Charlie kissed her cheek softly, hesitated for a moment and then turned and left.

Charlie had been the last to leave and I needed to see if I could get Bella to focus on me so we could leave. I gently placed my hands on either side of her soft face and looked her deep into her beautiful eyes.

"Bella, it is time to go, everyone has gone. Are you alright, sweetheart?" I kept my voice as soft and gentle as possible.

Awareness flooded her and her rapid reply startled me. I however had no idea what she was talking about. "I know where Edward needs to be."

Bella noticed my confusion and explained her thought. "He needs to rest in the meadow." Once again Bella had surprised me with how she had handled her grief. I smiled gently at the beautiful girl before me and nodded my head in agreement.

Bella and I rode with Carlisle and Esme in the back of his Mercedes. Rose and Emmett had left just before us and were in the car just ahead of us. After we had pulled away from the small chapel, I brought up Bella's request for Edward's ashes even though I knew they had heard every word with their more than perfect hearing. Esme was currently cradling the gray marble urn on her lap and she turned to face us.

"Bella, that is the perfect resting place for Edward." While tears were running down Esme's face her feelings reflected joy too. "He loved the meadow and to him it represented his love for you so I can't think of a more peaceful place for him to spend eternity."

I could hear Rose and Emmett agreeing in the jeep just in front of us. Carlisle looked at us in the rearview mirror.

"We can change as soon as we get home and take him today. Bella, you can't hear them but Emmett and Rose agree too." Carlisle smiled kindly at his newest daughter.

"Thank you all." Bella sighed quietly and rested her head on my hard shoulder as we sped toward home and the final chapter of Edward's memorial service.

…………

After we had all arrived home, we all went to change into more appropriate clothing for running through the forest. We all reconvened at the wide steps in front of our home. Esme still cradled Edward's ashes in her arms lovingly. Carlisle stood beside her, his head close to hers whispering quiet words of comfort as we prepared for the short journey. Rose was leaning back against Emmett who had his arms wrapped around her waist, resting his forehead against her shoulder. I stood slightly to the side, leaning on one of the large pillars at the top of the stairs as we waited for Bella to join us. The sun was beginning to peek timidly through the clouds and the rain had stopped, it was still a bit chilly by human standards but I was thankful Bella would not be rained upon as we made our way to the meadow.

When Bella walked out of the front door, I noticed she had changed into dark jeans and a hoodie for her trip through the forest. She had washed her face and seemed more ready to face this final leg.

"Bella, who would you feel most comfortable with carrying you?" Carlisle wanted her to be as much at ease as possible.

"Jasper." She looked almost timidly at me. "I want Jasper to carry me, please."

"Of course, darlin'" I drawled out. Bella warmed my cold heart with the trust she placed in me.

I walked to the bottom of the stairs and waited for her to join me, a touch of nerves colored her descent down the stone stairs to me. I gave her a small smile of reassurance and then turned my back so she could climb on from the bottom step. I figured she wouldn't want any more help than absolutely necessary. Bella hesitated and I sensed indecision from her, I turned back to see what she was thinking.

"Jasper, will you take me to the camp site clearing first?" She asked quietly, pleading with her eyes.

Her request threw me completely off guard. "Why, sweetheart?"

"I just need to go there. I can't really explain it but I really need to go there." I couldn't believe the strength this girl possessed and I knew I would never be able to deny the request.

"Bella, if that is what you need then I would be honored to be there with you." I touched her cheek briefly before I turned back around so she could jump on my back.

"We'll wait for you two in the meadow." Carlisle came forward and touched Bella's arm encouragingly.

Bella wrapped her warm arms around my neck and jumped quickly onto my back as I placed my hands under thighs giving her extra help to stay safe on our journey. The sheer amount of warmth that enveloped my body was wonderful and I could almost imagine feeling warm myself. While I had been physically close to Bella lately and had even carried her before, the feel of her body wrapped around mine was a new experience and I couldn't help but feel joy at her touch.

Esme and Carlisle ran in front with Rose and Emmett close behind. I trailed slightly behind trying not jostle my precious cargo too much. Bella had her face pressed into my neck, trying to avoid the wind I'm sure. Her warm breath fanned across my skin and I relished the feel of it. I veered in the direction of the camping site while the others continued on the path to the meadow.

When we had reached the clearing, Bella loosened her grip from around my neck and slid slowly down my back until her feet were firmly on the ground. She hesitated behind me, her face pressed into the space between my shoulder blades and her hands rested lightly on the top of my shoulders. I could feel her gathering up courage, courage to face her demons and her heartbeat was strong but erratic and she was gulping in large quantities of air. I stood perfectly still, not even breathing, letting her have the time she needed and I tried to help her by feeding her the courage she was seeking. She sighed quietly and inhaled deeply before pulling away from my back. Bella came around me and hesitated at my side while taking in the former camp site. The rocky outcrop where I found her standing was just to our left and the small clearing opened up where the tent had rest just below the rocky peak. There in the grassy area were two distinct black burned areas that were already starting to fade as nature was reclaiming the camp site.

The closest black circle was where Seth and I had sent Victoria and Riley to the afterlife. It was definitely not the one we were here to pay homage to, no that area lay much closer to the tree line. As an unfortunate aspect of vampire memory, I could see the purple plumes of fire as clearly as the day it had all transpired and flames took my brother from me. Bella was cycling through various emotions at my side so quickly that I almost couldn't keep up with her. She began to walk steadily to the spot where Edward had fallen; her steps appeared cumbersome and heavy, betraying the inner turmoil that was apparent even if I hadn't been an empath.

I followed her slowly but I didn't want to intrude on this part of her grieving process. Bella needed to gain some closure and now I knew this is probably where she would find it. When she reached the edge of the darkened area, she began to audibly sob and she fell forward hard on her knees. Bella's body was shaking under the enormous grief that was truly overwhelming her.

I quickened my pace to reach her side, to help her with the enormity of it all. When I reached her side, Bella gasped and pulled her arms tightly around her stomach gripping her sides as if trying to hold herself together as she bent forward from the waist. Her knees still crumpled under her, her forehead was now resting on the ground in front of her as she cried out against the unfairness of losing Edward. I reached forward, intent on offering her some peace and hope but she suddenly shot upright, her arm outstretched toward me.

"No…Jasper…" She was struggling with the words between sobs and her emotions were dangerously out of control. "I…need…I…have to feel…it. I have to say…goodbye." I backed up a couple steps at her whispered words but I had to block her emotions, they were nearly bringing me to my knees.

Bella returned to her previous position with her face pressed into the earth seeking release from her pain. She remained like this for quite some time, sobbing quietly. Suddenly, it seemed as if something had snapped inside of Bella and she became panicked and horrified. I was trying to decipher the horror and I couldn't grasp what had caused this emotion. My protective instinct kicked in and I was instantly beside her in a protective stance. Bella suddenly sat back up and started wailing again shaking her head from side to side, this was a sound she had made when she had collapsed before and I fell to my knees in front of her, grasping her hands with mine. I couldn't lose her to darkness and I needed her to focus on me. She was still shaking her head from side to side and the horror was reaching epic levels.

"Bella, sweetheart, please calm yourself. What? What is causing you to feel this?" I wanted to help her but I didn't want to cross the boundary she had placed between us.

Bella began to stutter the words out. "It's my…it's all my fault. Oh my God, Jasper it's all my fault." The pain was rolling off of her in waves I began to lose my focus.

I placed my hands on either side of her face. "Bella, I have to calm you. Your emotions are overwhelming me, and I can't block them anymore. You are not making any sense."

Her brown eyes were wide and pleading and she nodded her head between my hands. I opened my gift up to her and let her feel peace. Bella's heart rate began to level out and her breathing though still ragged was deeper and not as shallow. I left my hands on her face and nodded for her to continue.

"Oh, Jasper, I hadn't thought of this since…since Edward died. It was all my fault. I tricked him into staying with me. I told him I had been insane once before and I didn't want him to make me that way again." Tears were streaming quickly down her face, betraying the grief below the surface that I was battling to control for her. "If I hadn't…if I hadn't made him stay with me. He would have…oh God…he would have been in the clearing with you! He would have been safe and alive! I knew I was being selfish but I didn't care, I told him anyway! It was the same as lying to him..."

It was then I remembered the visit Edward had paid me before the fight where he had asked how strategically necessary it was for him to fight with us. Edward knew she had had a really hard time when we had left before to keep her safe. He explained that Bella was so afraid he would be injured during the fight that she had told him that she would lose him again, she would go crazy again. I told him we could handle the newborns without him, that it would be alright for him to stay with her. Edward felt extremely guilty about all she had endured in his absence and I could understand why she had teetered on the brink of sanity when he had left, her love for him was astounding. I shook my head at her and wiped the tears on cheeks away with my thumbs. Then I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me.

"Shh, sweetheart. It is okay. You had absolutely no way of knowing what would happen." I had to reason with her. "None of us did."

Sadness still dominated her so I pulled back from her so I could look her in the eyes. I tried another tactic. "Maybe if I would have listened more closely to you, I would have realized that Victoria would come for you. Maybe if Alice had tried harder she could have seen it. Or maybe she could have seen Victoria and Riley in time for me to save Edward. It was mine and Alice's fault, not yours."

Bella's eyes grew wide with horror at my suggestions. I knew she would never place the blame on either of us so I let her digest what I had just said.

"God, no Jasper! You weren't at fault. It was…" Recognition flashed across her beautiful face. "It was just a horrible accident."

She hung her head slightly and I pulled her back to my chest. "Yes, darlin'. The only one to blame is Victoria, there is no reason for you to feel guilty and I want you to promise me that you will place the blame where it belongs and not on yourself. Let it go, Bella."

She began to wail against my chest as great sobs tore through her. I held her close and pulled my gift back so she could feel the pain in order to release it. I let her cry until she was spent and I felt the change in her emotions. I held her close to me for a long time after she had finished, hopeful that the worst was finally over. Acceptance and relief overshadowed the sadness and grief and I knew she had reached the point she sought in coming to this place of death. Bella took a deep breath and pulled back from me.

"Jasper, it's your turn now." Bella's eyes were red and swollen and focused on me. "Tell me about Alice. I know whatever it is, it is painful for you and this is the perfect place to leave your pain."

"Bella, I don't want to overwhelm you." I was practically mumbling.

"No, I can handle it. Please tell me, I am strong enough to be there for you too." She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and she was projecting feeling of inadequacy. Oh hell no, I would never ever make this girl feel inadequate. That I would fix in this very moment. I had felt like the Cullen's weakest link up until I had to care for Bella so I knew exactly how she felt.

"It's hard. I have tried not to think about it, I have tried to stay focused on you so I wouldn't have to feel anything but you're right. It is time you know what happened when the Volturi finally showed up in the clearing." I struggled to swallow down my pain.

Bella placed her warm hand gingerly on my cheek and I leaned my face into her touch. With her other hand, she threaded her fingers through mine and gripped hand as tightly as she could. Bella began to offer me feelings of love and hope as she silently encouraged and supported me.

I began the story from the moment we arrived in the clearing. I quickly moved though the parts about the arrival of Jane and the two members of the guard. I told Bella about Bree and how Carlisle had spared her life only to have Jane take it away. When I got to the part of how Jane noticed Edward's absence and how Carlisle had told her about his death, Bella sucked in a sharp breath but didn't falter in her resolve to hear the rest of the story.

"Alice realized suddenly that Jane had made a decision that would forever change our lives." I was fighting against the pain that was welling up and threatening to destroy me. I had fought against remembering Alice as much as possible, so I could be strong for Bella but I had to face this here and now. Bella dropped her hand to my neck and began to rub gently along my jaw line, comforting me with her touch.

"Jane decided that since Aro had already lost out on having Edward and his mind reading ability in the guard, he would want Alice now. He wouldn't want to chance something happening to her. Alice tried to see all of the possible outcomes based on different decisions but the conclusion was always the same. If I had left with her, you would have died. If she refused to go, the Volturi would kill us all." I paused drawing in deep breaths, struggling even though I didn't need the air. "Alice left with them, to protect us all."

"Jasper…" Bella was shaking her head sadly, tears spilled over the bottom lids of her eyes. "I am so sorry. Did she say anything else before she left? Did she see anything in the future?"

I nodded sadly. "Alice said my destiny was here, that you and I would save each other. She said we would see each other again one day. Alice said that you would wake up the next day and that when the time came; I was to follow my heart. The last thing she said to me was that I needed to tell you that you dream in darkness but you have to live in the light. Bella, I miss her so much."

I began to sob and it was Bella's turn to pull me into her arms. I gratefully accepted all of the comfort and love she pushed to me. She was right; we would leave our pain here and move toward the light.

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AN: I meant to get them to the meadow but I just couldn't rush this and it was getting a little long so up next the meadow and then...well, we shall see!

Songs for the chapter Broken by Lifehouse and Call Me by Shinedown, they are on my profile if you want to hear them.


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Welcome to all my new readers! I really appreciate the kind comments you have left me! I had really intended on getting this out this past weekend but I was suffering from writer's block. Then all of sudden it seemed Jasper had lots to say so here it is.

Let me know what you think!

Obviously, still not mine.

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BPOV

Jasper's sobs had subsided and now the quiet surrounded us but it was soothing in a way. I had lost track of how long Jasper and I stood in each others arms, seeking and finding comfort from one another. I knew that he had been the one thing holding me together since Edward's death and now I knew that he had also grown to depend on me since Alice had been taken by the Volturi. I replayed Alice's words to Jasper over and over in my head and I wondered what she had seen in her visions before she had left the clearing. Now, however, was not the time to dwell on it since the others were waiting for us in the meadow so I pulled my head back from Jasper's chest and looked up into his amber gaze.

"Jasper, we need to go and meet the others. I am sure they are wondering where we are." I placed my hand against his cheek again. He nodded his agreement and turned his body so I could hop on his back. I wrapped myself even tighter around him than I had before, needing to be as close to him as humanly possible.

Jasper walked toward the forest, then he turned back to look over the camp site when he reached the edge of the trees. It seemed to be a gesture of a final goodbye to our grief. The thought that came to my mind was out of my mouth before I knew it.

"What if I can't find the light, Jasper? What if I can't find my way out of the darkness?" I placed my cheek against his neck as I whispered the words in his ear, doubt overtaking me once again.

Jasper was quiet for a moment before he turned his head against mine so that his cheek met my forehead.

"Then I'll be your light, Bella." His words were soft but forceful and I sighed against him closing my eyes tightly as I inhaled his spicy scent burying my nose in his blond locks. I let him feel the full force of my gratitude.

Jasper turned back to the curtain of the trees and began to run carefully through the forest. On this trip, I noticed how he ran compared to Edward. Edward had been fast, very fast. While I knew he would never allow any harm to come to me, Edward always seemed so close to losing control. Jasper seemed just as fast to me, the wind still whistled around us and the trees were a brown and green blur, but there was something much more deliberate and controlled about his pace. Perhaps Jasper was just more mature than Edward in ways other than actual years, he had experienced much more in his lifetime than Edward and it colored all of his actions. Jasper impressed me as thoughtful and careful, weighing options carefully before proceeding and that comforted me considering the trust I now placed in his hands. Yet at the same time, I knew there was dangerous edge to Jasper and I never doubted for a second he could be lethal but I couldn't bring myself to be even the least bit scared of him. I would forever view Jasper as my savior.

The run through the forest seemed to take just a moment to me. When we reached the edge of the meadow, Jasper slowed his pace to a walk and after a few steps into the lush green area he stopped allowing me to slide from his back to the ground. As I came to stand beside Jasper, I noticed the meadow was just as beautiful as I remembered it when Edward had showed me his skin in the sunlight. The setting looked very much like that day; flowers of various colors punctuated the carpet of green. The sun was peeking through the clouds causing shifting hues in the field. I involuntarily gasped as many emotions hit me at once; joy at the beauty, sorrow for the occasion and anticipation of the final goodbye to my love. Jasper took my hand and walked with me to where the rest of our family waited for us in the middle of the meadow. Esme was still clutching the urn to her breast as she leaned against Carlisle for support, his arms cradled her gently. Rose and Emmett were simply holding hands and standing beside Carlisle and Esme as they watched us approach.

"I am sorry we kept you waiting. I needed some time to say goodbye to Edward in my own way and I wanted to leave all of the negative emotions where they belonged. This place is too beautiful and full of good memories, I would like it to stay that way. " I wanted them all to know that I was trying to put the grief in perspective.

"Bella, you don't need to apologize to us. We want you take all the time you need because we love and support you one hundred percent." Carlisle's words were confirmed by general nods and smiles all around.

"I told Bella about Alice." Jasper's statement may have been simple but it exemplified the trust this family placed in me and made me feel more like an equal than a weaker being in their presence.

"I knew that there was more to the story and I want to thank you all for not keeping it from me. I know you want to protect me but you will never know how I appreciate that you seem to understand I am stronger than I appear, or at least I am trying to be. I promise I will be here for Jasper, just as he has been here for me. You truly are my family now." I felt like I was babbling but I really wanted them to know how much I loved them.

The rest of the family closed ranks on us and we were hugged from all sides in a show of solidarity and support. When they stepped back, Esme offered the marble urn to me. As she placed the cool urn in my hands, Esme kissed me softly on the cheek.

The wind was swirling gently around us as I pulled the lid from the urn. Tears began to track down my face but I couldn't help the smile that came across my face. In my mind, Edward was at peace now and hopefully I would be feeling joy again soon.

"I believe that Edward now realizes I was right. He did indeed have a soul, a good soul." Esme sobbed at my words but she smiled at me again. "I know he never wanted me to suffer the loss of my humanity that you have all experienced when you came to this life, but he was wrong about not having a soul. I will never doubt that all of you have a soul."

I began to slowly pour the ashes from the urn, the wind swirled around and carried them around the meadow as we all said goodbye to our fiancé, brother and son. I stopped short of pouring the last little bit of ashes out and looked to Esme and Carlisle.

"I think a part of him should remain with you. He would have wanted you to have part of him with you always." I put the top back on the urn and gave it back to Esme. She pressed her cheek to the top of it.

"Thank you, Bella." Esme's heartfelt words were soft and loving. "I truly love all of my children but Edward was my first child and he always treated me as his mother. I think having a part of him with us always will ease my pain."

Jasper came to stand in front of me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him as kissed me gently on the top of my head. I was willing to take every ounce of comfort he was offering me and let myself be consumed by it. I was aware that the others were leaving the meadow but I needed to let Jasper hold me and I let myself be consoled at the moment. I pulled back from Jasper and walked around him as I looked around the meadow one last time.

"Goodbye, my love." I whispered the words, wiped my tears from my face and then I turned back to the man waiting on me. "Jasper, take me home please."

JPOV

When we reached the large porch on the front of our home, I turned my back so Bella could slid off onto the bottom step. She released her arms from around my neck and I felt her feet touch the stone step. I turned to face her. Bella was still sad but there was also a relief present in her emotional makeup, like she could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have to admit that I felt the same way, while it had been hard reliving Alice's departure, I was thankful Bella was here to console me. For the first time since the battle, I truly felt we would be fine and maybe even happy again. It seemed that Bella knew my train of thought because she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly to her. She turned and I followed her through the front door.

As we entered the house, the smell of human food hit us. Apparently, Esme needed to mother Bella some more and had began preparing her dinner. Bella smiled slightly and I could feel her appreciation as she made her way into the foyer.

"Jasper, will you tell Esme that I am going to shower quickly before I eat."

"She probably can hear every word you're saying right now, Bella." Bella smiled and nodded her head. "I'll be right down, Esme."

Bella walked up the stairs to the bedroom and I heard the door close behind her as she made her way to the shower. Now was the perfect time to talk with Carlisle about some of my questions about my and Bella's relationship. I listened to the sounds in the house and knew immediately that Carlisle was in his study. It took me a mere instant before I was knocking on the dark wooden door.

"Come in, Jasper." Carlisle acknowledged my presence.

"Can I talk to you for a minute, Carlisle?" I looked to the man I now viewed as my father as he rose to greet me.

"Of course." Carlisle raised a questioning eyebrow. "You're projecting, Jasper, I feel your curiosity. What's on your mind?"

"Well, I just have some questions about my relationship with Bella." If anyone could answer my questions, Carlisle could.

He nodded for me to continue as he sank back into his leather chair behind the large desk. Carlisle's patience was unmatched and I appreciated the pause he was giving me so that I could voice my questions and concerns. I took a seat across from him before I began.

"I guess the main thing that I am wondering is why I can be so close to Bella now when not too long ago I tried to..." I almost couldn't bring myself to voice the horrific act I had almost committed and I stuttered the rest of the words out. "tried to...murder her at her own birthday party."

My voice had trailed off as the full horror of Bella's eighteenth birthday party hit me once again. I almost took the life of that wonderful girl. Even though I had replayed it over and over again before, now it seemed even worse considering how dependent we all were on Bella's presence in our lives. Shame washed over me again as I struggled to swallow down the venom in my mouth as I hung my head. Carlisle rose from his seat once again and came to stand in front of me, leaning against the desk. He placed a comforting hand against my shoulder and I felt respect and love radiate through his touch. I looked up to him in surprise, I expected the love but the respect through me for a loop.

"Jasper, I am not going to try to patronize you by telling you that it doesn't matter that it happened or that it wasn't a mistake. But Bella knows as we all do, that if you could take it back you would. It is our nature, Jasper, and you were having to deal with the force of not only your thirst, but all of ours at the smell of her blood." The words rang true and I knew Carlisle was sincere. "I know Bella forgave you as soon as it happened. As a matter of fact, she never even felt like it was something to be forgiven because it wasn't a deliberate act of vengeance."

"You're right of course, Carlisle, I am sure Bella never thought ill of me at all. It is time to put it behind us but my question remains, why is my control so much better now?" I really wasn't sure there was a correct answer to my question.

"In all honesty, I think it is because you feel so responsible for her now. Though I already respected the fact that you chose to continue in this life even though it was a true struggle for you, taking on the responsibility for Bella has shown me a new side of you. I have seen the bond between you two grow at an exponential rate. In all my years, I have never seen a relationship form so quickly and so solidly. I am happy you two have each other considering the hell you've been put through recently." Carlisle's sincerity was unwavering as he smiled gently at me.

"Do you think that is why I am so completely jealous of the relationship she shares with Jacob? I honestly wanted nothing more than to throw him through the front door when he came to see her the other day. I mean she is entitled to have other friends and I don't want to tell her who she can or can't be friends with but I am not sure how to reconcile these feelings. I don't want her to feel like I am trying to control her life or drive her away." I pulled my hand through my hair in frustration.

"Jasper, I am not sure I can answer that question. It is something you will have to answer for yourself since it is you who is feeling this way, but I think you probably already know why you feel this way to some extent. Give yourself some time to heal and I am sure everything will be clear eventually." Carlisle smiled at me again as he returned to his seat behind his desk.

I pondered his words before rising to my feet. I had always respected Carlisle's advice and I knew that he would be as honest with me as possible.

"Thank you, Carlisle. Not just for listening but for your support. I appreciate you treating me like a son."

Carlisle smiled at me and I felt his love for me, "Jasper, you will always be a son to me. You have all made my and Esme's life more complete."

I left the study to go find Bella. I had found that all humans and most vampires have a unique emotional signature and while it varies during extreme emotional outbursts, generally I could sense a particular person if I was familiar enough with them. After a moment, I knew Bella was downstairs with Esme and I hurried to join her.

Bella had just finished her meal when I arrived in the kitchen. She smiled almost shyly at me before rising from her place at the counter and coming to stand just in front of me.

"I wasn't sure where you disappeared to." Bella looked up at me.

"I just wanted to talk with Carlisle for a moment." Bella acknowledged my statement with a nod but didn't press me for a reason. As she walked into the living room, I followed her and I joined her on the large sofa.

"Have you wondered why I haven't been struggling to be near you recently?" Bella looked a little taken aback by my question.

"No, not really. I mean I think you just have been so focused on helping me that my blood hasn't been as much of a temptation. Besides I know you have been very careful to hunt more frequently." She offered a little tentatively. I nodded, I should have realized that she would have deduced much the same reason that Carlisle had just offered.

"That is pretty much what Carlisle just told me. But I can't help but still feel like I don't deserve how you have also helped me since Alice left. I mean Bella look at me, I have never been strong in this lifestyle. In all honesty, I would have probably killed you early in your relationship with Edward if Alice wouldn't have stopped me." I looked into her trusting eyes, expecting to see horror but I was met with sympathy and trust instead. "When Edward saved you from the car accident, I was worried that you would tell others about us. I was scared that something would happen to our family, especially Alice. Then I actually did try to take a bite out of you at your own birthday party. I don't deserve the trust you place in me."

"Jasper, there is nothing to forgive! You were only concerned with the safety of your family. How could I ever fault you for that? I am sure Carlisle pretty much told you the same thing." Bella looked questioningly at me and I simply nodded at her, I couldn't seem to find my words again.

"Edward told me all the time that I never saw myself clearly. That is true for you too." She seemed to be deciding her next action.

Bella startled me when she gently ran her warm fingertips over a large crescent scar just below my collarbone. I am not sure what startled me more, her touch or the feelings she was projecting as she touched my scar.

"Tell me about this scar, Jasper." She said it quietly and then pulled her hand back into her lap as she waited on my response.

I had no idea why she would want to know about this particular scar. I placed my fingers on the spot where Bella's touch had just warmed me and I closed my eyes as I saw the scene from long ago play out before my eyes like it had just happened.

"Maria had just ordered me to destroy a group of three newborns who had just turned a year old. I had just beheaded two females but there was one male left. His name was Jonathan. He was smaller than me, about 5' 11" maybe with dark brown hair. He knew my reputation and had backed into a corner trying to get away from me. He was utterly terrified because he knew that when I came for you it meant certain death." I took a deep breath before continuing. "He began to plead with me for his life but I knew I couldn't spare him because Maria had ordered his death. Jonathan began to fight me as I gripped him and he bit me here trying to get away but I used my gift to help him relax and I killed him a short time later."

"Jasper, why did you use your gift?" I couldn't understand why she was asking me this question because I thought it was apparent I was nothing more than a monster, but I knew she deserved an answer to any question she asked.

"I didn't want him to suffer unnecessarily. I didn't want his last minutes on Earth to be filled with terror." Bella never looked away from me and trust still emanated from her every pore.

"That, Jasper, proves what we all know about you. You are not a monster. You have never been a monster. You are a man who has had to find his way through impossible circumstances yet you have always tried to be an honorable man who protects those he loves." Bella threaded her fingers through mine and smiled at me.

I was still rubbing my fingertips over the marred place on my skin as I digested Bella's words.

"Jasper, your scars only show where you've been. They do not dictate your future. That is determined by your heart and your heart is good." With that Bella sighed and laid her head on my shoulder offering me more comfort and hope.

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AN: Thank you klarsen117 for the suggestion of leaving some of Edward's ashes with Carlisle and Esme! Also I have to admit that the line about the scars actually came from "Criminal Minds" and it reminded me of Jasper when I heard it. Songspiration for this chapter is "Adored" by Collective Soul and as usual I will put it up on my profile, it truly reminds me of Jasper & Bella.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: I hope you like this chapter because someone is about to get a clue!

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JPOV

The two weeks following Edward's memorial service were much as any other with one exception, we knew Edward would never be returning and we had no idea if we would ever see Alice again. Yet, Bella seemed to pretty much fill the void in our lives or at the very least she lessened the pain of our losses. It was as if she belonged with us as surely as the sun was supposed to rise in the east and set in the west.

Bella's journey through these weeks was not easy but it wasn't horrible either. Every day she grew stronger and more assured of her ability to cope and her dependence on my emotional help declined. That being said she still clung to me and I to her as much as we had in the early days of our loss. Everyone else in the family had been trying to help her as much as they could in their own way.

Rose had been wavering for over a week now and I could tell, or rather feel, she was working up to asking me a question but I knew not to push the issue with her. Finally, Rose asked me what I thought she could do for Bella to aid in her healing, so I suggested she fix up her truck for her. Rose was much more mechanical than any of the Cullen men and she was intrigued with making the truck run better than when it had been new so she readily agreed. Rose also knew, as we all did how Bella felt about gifts but the gift of her time and know how would not make Bella uncomfortable. Bella really loved the old faded red truck, it was a symbol of how much Charlie loved her. He wasn't ever one to voice his love for her so it was a solid, tangible piece of his heart. Edward had never understood her affection for the giant piece of metal and thought it was just ugly but I understood Bella's attachment to it. I could understand it because I could feel it, and I knew Bella may not even realize herself why she loved it.

Bella had been overjoyed when Rose finally worked up the nerve to ask her if she would let her "tune" up her truck for her. Little did Bella know, Rose was planning a full overhaul on the ancient machine. Shortly after Bella had agreed to Rose's plan, Rose had pulled the truck out of the garage and she was adjusting the carburetor that she had rebuilt earlier in the day. Bella was sitting in the truck starting the engine periodically so Rose could check her adjustments. The girls were both happy and joking back and forth over Emmett's current antics as we were throwing a football between us in the yard. Emmett, of course, true to his overly competitive nature was acting as if the Super Bowl hung on every toss. Life had seemed to settle into a peaceful routine and Bella fit right in with my other siblings. Joy was subtly invading the Cullen household and I for one was extremely grateful.

The rancid smell hit us long before we saw or heard our visitors, our noses crinkling in disgust. I bit back a growl and Emmett whooped out loud causing Rose to roll her eyes at his exuberance. Bella had no idea what was happening but she could tell from our change in posture that something or someone was near. Curious, she got out of the truck and stood beside its open door and I was next to her in under a second. Even though I didn't think she was in any danger, my protective side could not be denied and I needed to be within an arms length of her.

A few moments later, Seth crashed through the trees at the edge of woods, followed closely by a still non-to-happy Jacob Black. Bella's face became beautifully animated with a huge grin at the sight of the two Quileutes. My empath senses kicked into high gear as I tried to discern the nature of the visit and was rewarded with bouncy joy as Seth was happy to see all of us. Jacob's demeanor was the same as before, I could tell he was glad to see Bella as love poured from him at the sight of her but he still did not trust us and I also detected some jealousy coming from him. That was new, but I figured he just was upset that we got to spend so much time with Bella.

As they walked toward Bella, I forced myself to back off slightly from Bella's side. While I was still wary of the two wolves, I didn't want to interfere. Seth hugged Bella quickly before turning to focus on the football that Emmett was holding in his hands. Jacob pulled Bella to his chest and I began to carefully monitor their emotions, even though I didn't want to be too overprotective of Bella, I couldn't help myself. I found that what I knew I should do and what I had to do were two different things where she was concerned. He seemed to be checking out her physical well being as he held her, his nose wrinkled slightly as he laid his cheek on top of her head. I bit back a smile when I realized that it was probably my scent he was contending with as I hugged Bella several times already today. He pulled back from Bella and stepped only slightly back from her as he was still uncomfortable around our family.

Emmett bounded up to Seth and slapped him playfully on the upper arm and Seth playfully punched him back. Jacob watched the exchange warily but didn't say anything, his focus was still on Bella.

"Seth, you want to toss the ball some? Jasper isn't really paying attention and to be honest, he sucks at football." Emmett was just as happy to see Seth as Seth was to be here.

"Sure, man!" Seth sprinted out away from Emmett so they could toss the football between them. They were happily discussing football teams and tossing the ball so hard between them that it literally whistled as it spiraled through the air.

Rose had began tinkering under the hood with motor again. Bella explained to Jacob that Rose was fixing up the truck and despite his discomfort he couldn't hold back his curiosity about what Rose was doing to the old truck. I remembered he liked to tinker with motors himself as he moved around to the front of the truck and began to talk with Rose about the adjustments she was making to the engine. Bella leaned casually on the open door and listened to their exchange as contentment washed over her and I had to wonder if she was so content because life seemed so calm at this point or because of the tall wolf who was now here. I bit a back a wave of jealousy with a sigh as I took a seat on a nearby stump. I listened to the conversations flow around me feeling very much like a fifth wheel.

Rose was back under the truck working on something as Jacob worked under the hood, the two of them working together on some aspect of the engine. Bella was watching their interaction with curiosity and appeared to be relieved that we all seemed to be getting along. Although I would never let Bella know it, I had had just about enough of the wolves but I couldn't bring myself to leave. I knew jealousy was creeping over me but I fought it off.

"Bells, bring me that wrench laying over there. This one won't work." Jacob stuck his head out from under the hood and pointed toward a tool laying on top of the truck's cab.

Bella picked up the wrench and was bringing it around the front of the truck to hand it to Jacob. Just as she rounded the front fender, Seth missed a throw that Emmett had lobbed at him at some ridiculous speed and it spiraled out of control toward Bella. I was running toward her before I even had a chance to think about what I was doing and yet I hadn't started moving quickly enough and I didn't reach her in time. The football smacked into Bella's shoulder and knocked her off balance and she caught her thigh the fender of the truck as she fell to the ground. Horror washed over me. I smelled it before I saw it, she was bleeding. Venom began to well up inside my mouth.

Simultaneously several things happened at once. I stopped dead in my tracks and began to hold my breath as I focused on my siblings and their postures as I assessed the danger to Bella. Rose had quickly shot out from under the truck to the side opposite Bella and was holding her breath too as she kept her distance from her sister; her hands were gripping the fender of the truck as if to will herself to stay put. Emmett had stopped too and was warily watching everyone else in the yard, especially me; the protective feelings rolling off of him were impressively strong. Jacob had backed toward Bella and had both his hands held out as if to keep us away, he was shaking and trying not phase. Worry and fear were wrapping themselves around all of us. Seth had joined Jacob and was watching us too but he was much more optimistic than Jacob.

"Jacob..." Bella cautiously broke the tension around us. "They won't hurt me. Look at them, none of them are out of control. The Cullens love me and I trust them. Please calm down, I don't want you to fight each other over me. I can't stand the thought of you killing each other."

Par for the course, Bella was more concerned that the wolves would attack us than she was worried about herself. I wanted desperately to get to Bella, I needed to touch her and make sure she was alright. Anxiety was washing over me and threatening to spiral out of my control. Emmett came to stand beside me and I could tell he was forcing himself to remain as calm as possible so I wouldn't be overloaded with negative emotions.

"Jacob, I won't hurt her! I swear. I need to make sure she is alright and take her to Carlisle. Please." I kept my voice as calm as possible as I tried to keep my emotions to myself. Projecting anxiety at this point would be the exact opposite of helpful.

"Man, you have already tried to eat her once over a damn papercut. What the hell makes you think I am going to let you anywhere near her right now?" Jacob was practically vibrating to keep himself from phasing and I was afraid he would hurt her since he was so close to her. Seth was nervously watching us both.

While I felt certain we could beat them in a fight, the damage it would cause to Bella would be irreparable and I would not do that to her if it could be avoided. I had no desire to kill her best friend in front of her.

"You're right. I admit I fucked up big time but that was practically a lifetime ago. I am not the same, she is not the same." I was determined not to let him hold the mistake over my head that Bella had forgiven me for a long time ago. "I will not fight you because she loves you and Seth. It would destroy her. If I hurt her, you can rip me to pieces and my brother and sister will help you. I give you my word."

Emmett and Rose were nodding in agreement with my statements. I began to force calm through the air as fast as I possibly could. Seth relaxed almost completely but Jacob was fighting it. Jacob was still angry but his demeanor was changing.

"Stop manipulating me!" Jacob was fighting my power but I could tell I was winning as he lowered his hands to his sides.

"Jasper..." Bella must have smelled her blood because she was becoming faint and I could tell she was about to lose consciousness. Edward had found her inability to handle the scent of blood ironic considering she wanted to become a vampire.

When my name fell from Bella's lips, Jacob melted. He looked down at the her as she sat upon the ground with her hand clasped around her injury. She met his eyes just before she crumpled against the fender and my panic multiplied. Emmett's hand shot to my arm to keep me in place I began to growl loudly. When Jacob turned his gaze back to me, resignation played across his face and he stepped aside as he hung his head. I wasted no time getting to Bella.

Kneeling before her, I continued to hold my breath as I gingerly looked at her wound. It didn't appear too long but it was deep and would probably require stitches. I gathered her in my arms and I flashed back to the first time I had touched Bella much like this. I pulled her warm body to mine and let her strong and steady heartbeat calm me. I kissed the top of her head as I walked toward the house.

I barely made it through the front door before Esme and Carlisle were before me. They had smelled the scent of Bella's blood almost immediately when I had opened the door.

"It was an accident. Seth and Emmett were throwing the ball and it hit Bella. She's fainted but I think it's from the smell of her blood." I explained quickly to Carlisle who immediately began to check her as she lay in my arms.

"She seems fine other than the wound. I'll take her upstairs and put a few stitches in it. She'll be as good as new in no time." Carlisle gingerly took Bella from my arms and ran up the stairs with her.

Esme came to me and wrapped her arms around me in a motherly hug. "I am proud of you, Jasper. I knew you and Bella shared a special bond but this amount of control is very impressive."

"I am not sure I really have any more control than before but there is something about Bella that makes me want to be a better man. I could never hurt her, Esme." I was thankful for Esme's support but I didn't want any undeserved praise.

"Think about it, Jasper. You have changed since Bella has come into your life." Esme patted my arm lovingly.

A knock at the door interrupted our conversation. Esme found Seth on the other side of the door. He grinned happily at her and to be honest I halfway expected him to hug her.

"Hi, Mrs. Cullen. Do you think I can get some water, please?" Seth's polite tone impressed Esme.

"Sure, Seth. Let's go to the kitchen and see if we can find something you'll like. I may have some snacks you'll like too." Seth headed toward our kitchen as Esme turned to face me again, "I'm serious, Jasper. You are not the same person you were before Bella came to live with us."

After Esme followed Seth into the kitchen, I went back outside to take in some much needed fresh air. Jacob was sitting on the front step. I decided to join Jacob on the front steps as Carlisle worked on Bella's injuries. Jacob made no move to acknowledge my presence. To say that the silence that engulfed us was awkward is a supreme understatement. Jacob leaned forward with his elbows on his thighs. He stared silently forward for a few minutes then he shifted his focus to his hands that he had pressed together in front of him, his emotions sorting through various stages. My feelings were true and steady. Jacob had kept me from Bella and while he was probably justified, I was agitated and wanted him to leave and never come back. I knew I would never make such a demand because for better or for worse, Bella loved him. Whether I liked it or not, Jacob was her friend and deserved respect as such.

"Just exactly what is going on between you and Bella?" Jacob had found his voice and now he seemed more than a little pissed, he turned his eyes to meet mine. His question caught me totally off guard.

"What in the hell are you talking about?" I tried to keep my voice even but the anger was impossible to suppress fully. "I am just trying to help Bella through her grief and she has helped me too. Jacob she just lost the love of her life and my mate was just forcefully taken away from me. We are just doing the best we can to get through each day."

Jacob sighed a little too loudly with resignation as he stared at the tall trees in the distance. A little bit of sadness seemed to be coming from him too and I tried to patiently wait for him to finish his thoughts but I was still fighting the overwhelming urge to punch him.

"Jasper, I have waited on Bella time after time. Ever since she came back to Forks, I knew she was who I wanted to be with. I love her. I can't help, I can't change it, I just love her. I knew she was, and probably still is, in love with Edward. When he left her in the woods I had hoped she would come to love me but it never really happened." He paused and shook his head slightly before looking at me. "I mean she loves me but not like I love her. Now that Edward's gone...well, I had hoped that maybe I would be able to fill that void. Maybe I would have a shot: it should be my turn now, damn it!"

Jacob lowered his eyes from mine before suddenly flicking them back up to look at me, pain was evident on his dark face and it flowed from him. I knew he felt that way, it poured from him every time he saw her but I couldn't figured out why he thought it was a lost cause now. He had always been nothing but persistent in his pursuit of Bella before. Granted I had no desire for her to fall in love with him, but I wouldn't ever admit that out loud.

"Jacob, you're not really making any sense. Why are you talking about this now?"

"I can see it when she looks at you. It's subtle but it is definitely there. She needs you in a way that she doesn't need me or ever will. I did put her back together once before but I won't get that chance this time. I will never be that guy for her. She will love you." Jacob's stare was intense.

I was stunned by his observation and I had to look away from him. I had no idea how he had gotten such a crazy idea, I mean I cared about Bella, even loved her, but this just was crazy because she was my sister and I loved her as such. But even as the word sister echoed in my mind, it didn't feel right; I am not sure I really ever thought of her as a sister. How did I really think of Bella? I shook my head to clear it and I looked back at Jacob.

"Jacob, I know how much you love her. I can feel it. But you're right, she doesn't love you the same way." I softened my voice slightly because I didn't relish hurting him now that he knew Bella wasn't within his reach. "I do care very much about Bella and right now we do need each other. She and I are like the glue holding each other together but she is not in love with me nor I her. I still love Alice."

"She will love you, Jasper. The pull is already there, even I can see it." He sighed with that admission and hung his head slightly. "You will fall for her to because she is just that special."

Then he snorted and added another uncalled for opinion. "If you can't feel the depth of her feelings, you kind of suck at being an empath. We can all see it."

I hadn't felt anything out of the ordinary from Bella, but then again she had pretty complicated emotions for a human. Besides Bella loved almost everyone so I knew she loved me, but that was not the same as being in love. My mind was reeling and I was trying to process what he had just told me when Seth poked his head out of the door and told Jacob that Esme wanted him to come into the kitchen too. Without even a backward glance, Jacob left me alone with my thoughts.

I closed my eyes and replayed every event since Edward's death, every painful and hard memory as well as the few happy ones sprinkled in between them. I saw Bella's face over and over and let myself really think about what I felt when I saw her, touched her, heard her voice, or smelled her scent. I focused on how it felt when she rested her hand on my cheek or held my hand. I focused on what my heart was telling me about Bella and it was then Alice's parting words echoed loudly in my mind...when the time was right, I should follow my heart. Oh God, my heart was leading me to Bella.

I still loved Alice and I always would but I now realized that Alice complemented me, we didn't complete one another. Bella was much more like me, we completed each other. Maybe we were always meant to be together.

I shut my eyes tightly, was I really falling in love with Bella?

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AN: So what do you think? Please review - a smiley face (hopefully) or a frownie will do if you don't want type out words. Maybe Bella will get a clue soon, lol. Songs for this chapter are "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5 is Jacob's song and "Your Call" by Secondhand Serenade is Jasper's song. Listen to them if you want to know what inspires me.


	15. Chapter 15

Anyone miss me? Is there anyone still wanting to read more of this story? I have no intention of abandoning this story but sometimes, life just gets in the way. Hopefully, I can get this back on track. I know where the story is going, I just have to get it there.

This is yet again Jasper's point of view. He just had to work through the revelation from the last chapter.

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JPOV

I stared at my boots. I just stared at them absently while I tried to wrap my mind around Jacob's observation. I loved Bella. I was in love with Bella. I loved her completely with all of my being, or at least I was well on my way to feeling that strongly. How in the hell had I missed it? Just exactly when had love snuck up on me and my "superior" vampire mind? I was an empathic vampire for God's sake! I did suck at being an empath. God I really hated that Jacob was right. I just shook my head as I let the thoughts roll around in my mind and take up residence in my heart. I looked heavenward as I closed my eyes and let the feelings flow through me, ebbing through me like waves lapping at the shore. I so rarely got to really concentrate on what I was feeling. Most of the time, I was trying to deal with everyone else's emotions and mine were pushed to the back burner and the last thing I wanted to do was burden someone else with my feelings or unduly amplify their emotions.

It dawned on me that fate really was a fickle bitch. No matter how you figured your life would go, she could step in at any time, probably laughing her ass off, and pull the rug out from under you and everyone around you for that matter. This little turn, however, was not a bad thing; it was wonderful beyond any description I could conjure up. Yet, I had definitely not seen this coming but I am sure Alice had. Alice. My Alice. I took a deep breath. Her face as she was sorting through our futures now made perfect sense, she saw me fall in love with Bella. At this thought, my heart metaphorically constricted.

How could I hurt my Alice? What had she seen for herself? I hadn't been able to reach her since she left, her phone going straight to voice mail. I knew Alice better than I knew myself, she was complicated but I knew that she was not talking to me on purpose. She had wanted me to find my own path to Bella even though I wasn't sure why. Alice always had her reasons for not revealing specific outcomes and I knew she loved me and Bella. It was apparent she didn't want to unduly influence our future. But none the less, I was worried about her and I needed to know how she was doing. I missed her so much it was painful but it was apparent that Bella was like a salve to my heart.

This feeling that was growing in me for Bella was different somehow than anything I had ever shared with Alice. In the short time I had realized it was present, it was all consuming and it literally warmed me from the inside out. I knew as surely as I knew anything that I was meant for Bella and somehow she was meant for me. The road we had traveled to get to this point had been twisted and horrific, but here we were. Or were we? I mean I knew I loved her, but I somehow doubted she had even an inkling of how she was beginning to feel for me. I now knew that she did love me, she just had not fully realized the depth. I hoped to hell I wasn't wrong about Bella's feelings. I sighed loudly. Now what?

"Jasper?" Emmett's unusually quiet question startled me out of my internal musings. I had been so lost in thought that I hadn't even heard him approach from the garage where he and Rosie had returned Bella's truck. Damn, I was losing it and I knew I had to get a grip on myself.

I looked up into his questioning face and suddenly I knew that I needed to share this feeling with someone else other than the dog. Emmett might just be the perfect candidate. He may have been well-muscled but he was also uncannily insightful. His fun loving side sometimes made others think he was all brawn and no brains but I respected his opinion as much as Edward's. At times, he saw things from a perspective that others missed and I think I need to know what he thought of my newly discovered feelings. He was so overprotective of Bella that if he accepted my feelings, the rest of the family should be relatively easy. On the other hand, he may try to dismember me and set me on fire when he found out I was falling in love with Bella so it could be a crap shoot.

"I know you like your boots, man, but are they really that interesting?" He was puzzled by my demeanor.

"No, not really I was just thinking about something Jacob said to me." At my comment, Emmett scoffed loudly and anger began to pour from him. I eyed him speculatively.

"He had no idea what in the hell he was talking about, J! You would never ever hurt Bella! We all know that. He had no right to say those things to you!" I smiled at his protectiveness and hoped it boded well for me.

"Well, actually he probably did have a right to say those things to me. I did try to eat Bella but that's not what I'm talking about. She forgave me for that and I have put it behind me so I really could care less what he thinks about me." I ran my hand through the hair at the back of neck as I tried to gather my thoughts. "Hey, will you go hunt with me? I think I need to feed before I see Bella again and I want to talk to you about something."

"Sure." Emmett smiled reassuringly at me. Typical Emmett didn't even question what I needed to talk with him about. "Let me tell Rosie where we are going."

I slowly followed Emmett toward the garage where he and Rose had taken Bella's truck after the football fiasco. I spied the stupid football laying off to the side of the door where it had bounced after the incident. Feeling suddenly very childish, I picked up the offensive object and threw deep into the woods for daring to strike Bella. Even though it served no real purpose, the small temper tantrum did make me feel slightly better.

"Damn, Jasper, now you owe me a ball!" Emmett was watching me from the door to the garage. I just shrugged at him as Rose approached him from behind.

"Rose, Emmett and I are going hunting. I absolutely can't risk hurting her."

"I don't think you could ever hurt her, Jasper." Rose's tone was sympathetic but not patronizing. "But I if think you will feel better after a hunt then you should go."

"Thanks for your support, Rose. It means a lot to me." Rose appraised me with her eyes before simply nodding slightly in agreement and turning back into the garage.

I began to run toward the treeline with Emmett following closely on my heels. The need to run and not think for a few moments took over and I sped up not paying any attention to my direction. Emmett was unable to keep up but I knew he could follow my scent easily so I continued my pace. Opening up my senses completely, I began to hunt for prey and hopefully it would be prey that would fight back. I needed to expend some energy and I hoped this would help.

I circled around the clearing heading north when I caught the scent, it was a mountain lion and I hoped he was in a really bad mood. As I rounded an outcrop of rocks I slowed to a walk because I could now hear the animal's thrumming heartbeat. I made sure I stayed downwind as I crept silently toward the sound and I let my instinct take me to the big cat. I crouched as I studied him for a moment. The cat was a beautiful tawny color and was stretched out on a boulder cleaning his large furry paws, his muscles rippling under his golden hide. From the scent swirling around him, he had just fed. I assumed his kill was behind him and I knew that the cat would fight to protect it from another predator and at this, I smiled slightly to myself – bingo. I moved quietly to where I knew he would be able to start picking up my scent. As if on que, the large cat rose to his feet and flattened his ears against his head as he began snarling aggressively in my direction. I came within a few feet of him as he crouched, ready to spring on me.

I stopped thinking and just let my true nature take over as I lost myself in the struggle between life and death. The cat fought valiantly but was not a match for my skills and the fight ended more quickly than I had originally intended. I had just finished my meal when I heard Emmett cautiously approaching. I turned and threw my hand up to him in greeting so he knew there was no danger of me attacking him. He quickly took in the scene around him and my slightly disheveled appearance.

"Thought you didn't like to play with your food, J." Mirth played across his face as he teased me. I looked down at my torn shirt and noted the blood splatters across it, I hadn't made such a mess since I was a newborn.

"I just needed a little challenge." Emmett nodded, studying my face and reaching out for my feelings that I was still closely guarding.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"Bella." I took a deep breath before continuing. I walked over to a nearby tree and leaned gingerly against it as Emmett moved to a tree across from me where he mimicked my stance waiting on me to begin. "Jacob made an observation about my feelings for Bella. He seems to think I am falling in love with her. The more I think about it, the more I think he may be right. I don't just love Bella, I need her. I mean I physically need to be near her."

Emmett was eerily quiet as I finished my speech. Suddenly a smile spread across his broad face just before he threw his head back and laughed loudly, a sound so deep that actually shook the smaller trees around us. His reaction caught me completely off guard and I stepped away from the tree placing my hands on my hips as I glared at him. When he saw I was pissed, Emmett immediately began to rearrange his features to try reflect a proper amount of contrition but it wasn't really working and his amusement found its way back out. This time his laughter was punctuated with snorts.

"What in the hell are you laughing about?" I expected him to be surprised or even angry, not laugh in my face.

"Calm down, J." Emmett finally got his laughter under control. "I am just surprised the dog figured it out before you figured it out yourself. Rosie and I have noticed the pull between you two since you carried her into the clearing. We both think you deserve to be happy and it is obvious you both need each other. It's almost like you have some kind of invisible link."

If my mouth hadn't been hinged to my head, it would have been on the ground. I knew that Emmett was sometimes intuitive but relationships generally weren't something he noticed. But he was never this well-spoken. Was I the only one who hadn't seen this coming? No, I was sure Bella didn't either.

"I had no idea. How did you see it?"

"I didn't necessarily think you were falling in love, but now that you've brought it up. Yeah, I can see it." Emmett walked to stand in front of me. "I'm not surprised you didn't see it. Jasper, you still love Alice so that would be the last thing in the world you would be looking for."

"Em, what do I do about Alice?" I still couldn't help feeling like I was betraying her even though I knew she had given me her blessing.

Emmett shrugged. "I can't answer that. I'm sure this is what she was talking about in the clearing. I suggest you do what she told you to do. Follow your heart."

"Please don't say anything to anybody else yet. Well, you can tell Rose since I don't expect you to keep secrets from your mate. I'll talk with Esme and Carlisle soon but I want to be the one to tell them."

"It's your secret, man. I won't say a word." I knew he wouldn't. Emmett was as trustworthy as they came.

After Emmett had hunted we both ran back home, playfully trying to catch each other as we wound our way through the trees. Darkness had taken over the landscape since we had been gone and I hoped Bella would still be awake when we reached the house.

The feeling of anguish reached me only moments before the sounds of Bella's screams reached my sensitive ears. We had almost reached the edge of the trees bordering our yard when I stopped short causing Emmett to skid to a stop beside me at my action. I felt her sheer terror and all conscious thoughts left my head as the need to protect Bella took over my being. I could hear movement in her room, like someone was rushing into it. Suddenly, I knew exactly what a human adrenalin rush felt like and I burst forward faster than I had ever run before. Leaving Emmett behind once again, I flew toward the house and my Bella. When I reached the yard, I sprung forward toward the window where I knew Bella was and the only thought in my mind was protecting her. I realized a nanosecond too late that the window was actually closed and I burst through it causing the glass to shower around me as I landed in a crouch taking in the scene before me quickly.

Bella sat on the bed, her hand clamped firmly over her mouth and her brown eyes were wide with shock. Rose was on Bella's left, her eyes were also wide and startled. Esme was on Bella's right and she was very pissed for lack of a better word. The bedroom door was suddenly thrown open and an even more confused Carlisle took the entire scene in before relaxing slightly as a smirk replaced the confused look. Another moment later, Emmett landed soundly behind me with a thump crunching broken glass under his feet. He took in everyone's expression, as well as my offensive crouch, before he burst into laughter yet again.

"Dude, you broke the window." He snorted.

"What was wrong? I could feel Bella's fear out in the woods." I stood to my full height as I searched for an answer. "I didn't think to make sure the window was actually open. I'm sorry about that." Emmett chuckled behind me again.

"Bella was only having a bad dream, Jasper. Rose and I came in here to comfort her." Esme was the first to offer an answer. Bella had dropped her hand from her mouth but her face still displayed a surprised look. "You do realize you are going to have clean up this mess? I'm sure your brother will be more than happy to help you."

Emmett sighed at that comment before mumbling under his breath, "I didn't break the window." Rose merely nodded in agreement with Esme.

"Bella, are you okay?" I didn't move toward her because I was aware of all of the glass still in my hair and on my clothes.

"Yes, Jasper. I'm fine. I'll tell you about it later." Bella smiled at me as she opened her feelings up to me. I felt nothing but calm coming from her now and even though the need to touch her was overwhelming, I made myself stay still.

"Bella, let's go downstairs and get you some warm milk to help you sleep while the boys clean up your room." Esme tilted her head down slightly before adding, "Make sure you get it up all of the glass so Bella doesn't step on any of it."

Esme and Rose slid off the bed with Bella following right behind them, carefully avoiding the side of the bed where the glass littered the plush carpet. Carlisle watched the women leave the room before he turned back to Emmett and me.

"Bella really is fine. She just has had a little more excitement today than her mind could handle. I'm sure she will be fine now that you're back." Carlisle looked at the glass under my feet and added a warning with a slight grin on his face, "Esme will not be happy if you don't get it all."

Carlisle closed the door behind him, chuckling as he left.

I cleaned all of the glass out of my hair and threw my clothes in the trash since they were ruined anyway. I then showered the blood and any tiny glass particles from my body. Emmett had begun the task of cleaning the glass from the carpet and when I joined him, we worked quickly to clean up the mess. Remembering Esme's warning, we both checked and rechecked the carpet to make sure nothing remained that could possibly harm Bella.

When we were both satisfied that it was all gone, I went downstairs and retrieved Bella from the kitchen. I didn't have to say anything to her, I just held out my hand and she placed her warm hand in mine and led me up the stairs to her room. I closed the door behind us.

"Jasper, I'll be right back." Bella padded to the restroom and I sat in my usual chair in the corner where I knew I could keep her bad dreams at bay.

Bella came back out from the restroom and climbed into the large bed. She was searching for words, I could tell by both her demeanor and the feelings she was emitting.

"Bella?" I didn't want to push her but I felt like she wanted to talk.

"Would you be willing to sit here, next to me tonight?" Bella patted the space beside her in the bed. I felt like my heart dropped a few feet at her words. I felt like a nervous schoolboy being asked to the school dance by his secret crush. She added quietly, "I don't want to have any more bad dreams tonight."

"Sure, darlin', if that's what you want." I made my way to the other side of the bed and made sure she had the blankets tucked around her so she wouldn't get cold from being so close to me. I pulled her closer to me and she settled her head on my shoulder.

"Can you tell me about the dream, Bella?" I wanted to give the opportunity to put it behind her.

"It was silly I guess, I mean I was walking through the woods with you. We were laughing and talking as we went, Then we came upon the clearing where..." Bella drew in a ragged breath before she could continue, "Edward died. It grew really dark and then Jacob was there. He was angry that we were there together. You tried to pull me behind you because you thought he would hurt me. Then the next thing I knew he had phased and was attacking you. I think it was because I was so afraid you two would get into a fight today because of my clumsiness."

I pulled away from Bella so that I could look into her eyes. Tears were welling up in her beautiful eyes and I could feel that she was blaming herself for everything that had happened today.

"Bella, sweetheart, none of that was your fault so stop blaming yourself. It was just a silly accident and Jacob and I are fine." I had both of her hands in mine as I continued, "We understand each other and neither of us will be tearing the other one apart. I promise that I will never hurt him as long as he is not hurting you. I also know that he doesn't want to hurt you, so by default he won't be attacking me anytime soon either. So please stop worrying about me and Jacob."

The relief coming from Bella was almost palpable and I pulled her into a hug savoring the feel of her against me.

"Now it's time to sleep, Bella."

Bella settled back down under the covers and she molded her warm body to mine filling the negative space beside me with her essence. When she was finished arranging herself next to me, happiness washed over her and I couldn't stop the sigh of contentment that left my lips. Bella pulled her head back slightly and balancing her chin on my chest, she sought my eyes with hers. I just simply smiled at her. Bella wondered about the sigh, curiosity literally poured from her but the question itself remained unasked as she returned her cheek to my chest. I kissed her hair gently as she settled back to her previous position against me.

"Please keep the bad dreams away, Jasper." Bella murmured sleepily.

"Of course, sweetheart." I whispered my reply.

I was absolutely certain now, I did love Bella Swan. She was everything I never knew I wanted or needed until now.

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AN: Yes, I know Emmett is a bit out of character but I like to think he has something special to add to the family besides just muscle. Also, someone wanted to know why no one had contacted Alice yet. I am not ready to let anyone know what she is up to yet so I still left it kind of up in the air. Leave me some love :)


	16. Chapter 16

AN: No excuses...but here is the next chapter! I hope you enjoy it!

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The position was now more than familiar to me and oddly comforting. I was wrapped around the back of a vampire while we flew through the forest surrounding Forks. The thick canopy made the forest dim but every so often where there was a break in the thick foliage, spots of sunlight dotted the forest floor since it was a rare sunny day in Forks. Jasper was running swiftly and dodging through the trees but I knew I had absolutely nothing to fear. In my mind, it seemed as if Jasper was put on this Earth to protect me and I would never fear the man who carried me now. It was definitely a turn of events that I would never have dreamed of a few months ago. He must have sensed my contentment because he moved his cheek slightly brushing my forehead with it, projecting his own contentment to me. I still marveled at the way we seemed to be able to communicate with each other through not only words, but our emotions as well.

I couldn't help but smile at the thought of how much Jasper now meant to me. Fate had thrown us together in an awful way but our relationship was healing and loving. That particular observation caused me to start slightly on Jasper's back but he didn't miss a single stride if he noticed it. I buried my nose in his neck and inhaled deeply. There was nothing more soothing or calming than Jasper's own particular scent to me and there were no words to describe it, it was just Jasper. I could almost understand what Edward had meant when he said my blood was like a drug to him, that was how I felt about Jasper's scent. I was addicted to it and it made me feel cherished.

As Jasper began to slow slightly, I felt the smooth shift in his speed. He had wanted to show me something and as he slowed even further to a walk, I looked up from his shoulder as I heard the distinctive roar of water. Up ahead of us was a slight break in the forest that was dominated by a large majestic waterfall. I gasped at the beauty of it as the pillar of water fell from an enormous height to create a small pond just below it. The waterfall was white and boiling where it met the still blue water below. The concentric circles creating diminishing ripples as the water traveled to the edges of the small pond. As we approached the water's edge, I prepared myself to slide to ground as usual. Instead, Jasper held me firmly to his torso as he came to a stop just in front a large gray boulder at the water's edge.

"Jasper?" I wondered if something was wrong. I had no idea what he was thinking since I couldn't see his face and he wasn't projecting any feelings to me. It was oddly disconcerting since I was usually so attuned to his moods.

Jasper still didn't speak a word but using his hands he pulled my body fully around his without releasing me to the ground. He held me firmly against him with his hands clasped securely under my bottom. Instinctively, I locked my legs around his firm waist and held onto his shoulders tightly. Merely inches from Jasper's handsome face, I lost myself in his intense amber gaze and the sparkle of his skin in the dancing sunlight. I had no idea what was happening but my heart must have known because it was beating so wildly that I could hear every beat in my ears and felt them throughout my entire body.

Slowly, Jasper moved his face closer to mine before he brought his nose to rest against my chin. He then continued the trail along my jawline from my chin up to my ear where he breathed my scent deeply into his nostrils. Jasper's cold breath on my warm skin caused me to shiver. He pulled his face back from mine as his eyes began carefully studying my entire face, one feature at a time. Jasper started around the fringe of my face but he spent a long time just looking into my eyes before moving his gaze to my lips. He still hadn't spoken a word but he opened up his emotions and now they were communicating strongly with my emotions. Jasper's eyes had changed to a deep bronze and I knew instinctively he was hungry for more than my blood. Love and lust were literally pouring from him into me, yet he remained stoically silent. Uncertainty was playing with my sanity causing my heart to threaten to leave my chest as it wildly jumped inside my chest.

Jasper moved slightly forward to the boulder in front of him and set me gently on it. He ran his hands up my back, one of his hands found its way to the hair at the nape of my neck and Jasper twined his fingers through my locks. I moved my right hand slowly down his chest where I gripped his shirt tightly in my fist, needing to feel the smooth fabric in my grasp trying to ground myself to the man who held me to him. Jasper locked his eyes on mine once again and then he moved his face closer to mine and he began to gently caress my face with his smooth cheek. I shuddered not from the coolness of his skin but from the mere touch of him against me once again.

"Bella, everyone has a secret." Jasper's lips were touching my cheek as he whispered against my skin brushing the area gently with them as he spoke. The next words he spoke vibrated over my skin. "The only real question is, can they keep it? Can you guess what mine is? Hmm?"

Jasper pulled back from my face, "Do you have any secrets, my sweet Bella?"

My breath caught in my throat as the enormity of the moment slammed into me and I realized I wanted nothing more than to feel Jasper's lips on mine. My feelings were a churning, molten flow throughout my whole body and I couldn't quite name what I was feeling for the man who was holding me so closely. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time but I managed to force myself to remain still and quiet. I felt like I was betraying both Alice and Edward's memory and I was desperately trying to remind myself that sadly Jasper belonged to another and I had no right to be here like this with him. I closed my eyes and buried my face as far into his chest as I could before he could see the blush and tears that I knew were coming as my emotions overtook me.

"Bella? The words washed over me as he questioned me gently. My emotions were still raw and out of control and I couldn't have made myself speak if I had wanted to. I forced my mind to focus and I suddenly realized that my face was extremely cold and my right fingers were stiff with cold too.

"Bella..." Jasper's voice sounded further away as it swirled around me and I couldn't figure out why. Everything seemed kind of hazy and out of focus. Confused, I tried harder to focus.

"Isabella..." This time his voice was more forceful and closer, but not as close as it should be since he was right in front of me. Jasper cleared his throat in an attempt to get my attention.

My eyes blinked open and I realized with a start that while I was still pressed against Jasper, we were not next to a majestic waterfall. The shirt that I currently had my face pressed into and fisted in my hand was not the same shirt Jasper was wearing just a moment earlier. The rest of my body was wrapped in a warm cocoon next to the beautiful vampire, but my face was cold because it was turned into Jasper's hard chest and my right hand was clutching Jasper's shirt as if it were a lifeline. Oh, God...I felt embarrassment wash over me and I refused to look up pressing my face even further into my cold, hard pillow. I knew Jasper must have felt my almost X rated dream. Well, maybe it was more of an R rated or at least a solidly PG-13 dream. Crap, now I was rambling in my own mind. I hastily made sure I had my feelings solidly in check now, but I knew the embarrassment was too far out of control for me to fully suppress.

"Um, Bella, are you alright? Can you actually breathe with your face pressed into me like that?" Jasper's voice seemed to warble with amusement and my embarrassment escalated to epic proportions. I should have known he sensed my feelings during my crazy dream.

I realized he was right, I couldn't breathe very well and I turned my head up slightly from Jasper's solid chest, gasping like a guppy out of her tank. How did I get myself into such a mess? Jasper was my best friend and somehow my mind had betrayed me while I slept.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I mumbled, still trying to get my sleep addled brain to focus.

I rolled onto my back, as I unsuccessfully tried to avoid Jasper's gaze. I couldn't help myself, I had to see his face. Still in a sitting position, with his back propped against the headboard, he smiled down at me gently as he clasped his hands together on his stomach. It seemed Jasper's body stretched on forever as he crossed his ankles together near the foot of the bed, he was the ultimate picture of relaxation. I on the other hand felt supremely uncomfortable.

"How did you sleep? You didn't seem to have any more bad dreams." He was soft spoken and sweet.

Jasper's face didn't seem to reflect anything other than genuine concern. Maybe, just maybe, I hadn't projected my crazy feelings all over the room and I didn't have to be so embarrassed after all. I had been working on controlling my feelings, trying to offer any sort of reprieve to him from feeling everything everyone felt. Yeah, I bet I was able to control it as I slept. I knew I needed to figure out what on Earth was wrong with me before I freaked Jasper out, I needed him and I didn't want him to be overwhelmed with inappropriate emotions from me. I couldn't lose him now.

"I slept just fine, Jasper." I propped my head up on my hand, resting my elbow on the pillow. "I don't know what I would do without you. I am sorry you were stuck next to me all night long, but I am glad you stayed with me."

"Bella, it was my pleasure." Again, he smiled at me. His eyes were suddenly serious and intense. "I would do anything for you, sweetheart."

The intensity of his words made my body shiver of its own volition. The need for some time to myself suddenly overwhelmed me and I thought a hot shower was in order to put my crazy jumbled self back into order. I sat up and turned to face Jasper's still intense gaze.

"I'm going to take a shower. Jasper, would you mind telling Esme not to bother with breakfast? I'll just grab something small. I think I want to see if Charlie will be at home today. I think I should go and see him, maybe fix him a decent lunch. I bet he's living off of take out food." I watched as Jasper's face relaxed at my words and I realized he was probably confused by his inability to read me.

"Sure, Bella." Jasper smiled, although it seemed a little forced.

I scooted to the edge of the bed and as soon as my feet hit the floor, I hurried to the bathroom while I still had some semblance of my dignity intact. I darted quickly through the open bathroom door so I could further gather my emotions.

JPOV

When the bathroom door closed solidly behind Bella, I was left wondering what had just happened between us. I was immediately worried that she had guessed my feelings for her were changing. I had tried and hopefully succeeded in keeping my growing affection for the brown-eyed beauty under wraps because I didn't want to manufacture feelings of love for me. If Bella loved me, I wanted it to be all her.

Bella had slept soundly during the night but her emotions during her slumber had been confusing to say the least. She had apparently been having a very involved dream but I almost couldn't keep up with the changes her emotions went though as it unfolded in her mind. If I was being totally honest with myself, I had quite enjoyed holding her during the night. Being able to hold her and experience her emotions while she was resting, left me feeling almost as if I had been able to sleep myself. It was something I hadn't experienced since I had my unfortunate rendezvous with Maria.

I was sure that Bella was dreaming about Edward because of the positive feelings she emitted and I fought the sadness that welled up in me at this realization. She was content and happy, sighing in her sleep as she clutched me and buried her face into my shirt as she inhaled deeply. Then her feelings had changed to longing and desire and I was fighting jealousy. That was really all kinds of messed up since Edward was my brother and her first love, I shouldn't be jealous of my brother. I had no reason to expect Bella to suddenly forget about her love for Edward but I couldn't help the way I felt and I would just have to learn to deal with it. The more I focused on her, the more I loved her and I desperately wanted her to love me too. I only hoped it wouldn't take her long to realize that we were meant for one another.

It was time to tell Carlisle and Esme what I had just discovered about my feelings for Bella. I only hoped they were as receptive as Emmett to the idea. I loved them and respected them as the parents of our family. I never wanted to disappoint them and I didn't know what I would do if they were to tell me that my love for Bella was inappropriate.

I tasted the emotional climate of the household and immediately knew they were still in their bedroom. Although we all avoided purposely eavesdropping on our fellow family members, I allowed myself to listen to theirs to determine if they were sharing a private moment. I heard the sounds of drawers opening and closing and hangers shuffling in the closet so it sounded as if Esme was rearranging items in their closet. The distinctive sound of pages turning indicated that Carlisle was reading.

I was at their door in an instant and I knocked softly, taking a deep unnecessary breath to prepare myself to make my announcement to my parents.

"Esme, Carlisle can I speak with you both for a moment?" I spoke quietly through the door.

Esme opened the door quickly and true to her mother role, she studied my face as I stood before her. If there was one thing I was used to, it was that Esme took her mother duties very seriously. She prided herself on reading her children before they had a chance to speak, and even though I could project my feelings I allowed her to reach her own conclusions. She drew her brows together slightly and stared at my face for a moment. Then she just smiled broadly and turning to walk into the room, she began to chuckle softly.

"Jasper has figured it out." She announced proudly to Carlisle who was seated in a chair next to the glass wall at the back of their large bedroom. Esme perched herself on the arm of his chair and he smiled at her jubilant announcement. "I told you it wouldn't take him long."

"I figured what out?" I wasn't sure what Esme was talking about but this was beginning to feel a bit surreal.

"Esme has noticed that you and Bella have a very strong connection. She thinks your feelings for Bella are evolving into something a little stronger than just friendship." Carlisle kindly tried to fill in the blanks. "I told her that it was something you should discover for yourself, if it is true. We love you both and want what is best for you both. We think that you two are meant to heal each other. Jasper, we will always stand beside you."

My mouth opened and closed a few times as if I were impersonating a trout. Finally, I took a deep breath and sank to the edge of their bed. I studied my hands clasped in front of me before I could get words to actually come out of my mouth.

"Well, actually Jacob was kind enough to point out that we seemed to be falling for one another. I realized that the mutt is right, we have a connection that we will not be able to deny or break. I'm not sure Bella feels the same but I am sure how I feel now. I am in love with Bella and I don't know what to do next." I looked up at Esme and Carlisle's encouraging faces. "I don't want to push her but I don't know how long I can keep it to myself. I also don't want to betray Alice in any way."

Esme was quickly sitting beside me, pulling me into a hug. Her happiness was bubbling out of her and its contagious quality left me hopeful and relieved.

"Bella isn't far behind you, dear. She will realize what fate has in store for her isn't all sadness and grief. With you she will get to experience unfathomable love and joy. Jasper, I see a love between you two that is comparable to what Carlisle and I feel for each other. " She pulled back so she could meet my eyes and her smile was reassuring. "It's true that you love Alice and always will on some level but I know in my heart this is different. Alice did too and she meant for this love to grow between you and Bella. She left Forks so it could."

"I think I have accepted that but I am worried Bella won't. She will never want to betray Alice and I am not sure how we will ever get around that obstacle. Bella has also learned how to block her emotions from me when she wants. I know that she originally wanted to spare me from feeling her extreme grief but I think she does it now without even thinking about it most of the time. Of course, she does open up to me too." I smiled at the next thought. "Bella actually can push emotions to me when she wants to help me."

"I am not surprised that she is able to block her emotions. It's probably similar to her subconsciously blocking her thoughts from Edward." Carlisle thoughtfully added, "Bella will be a strong vampire, Jasper. I am not sure what her actual gift will be but it is apparent that she will be special."

"She already is special, Carlisle." I smiled at him.

"Love conquers all. It's not always simple and neat, but I believe it to be true." Esme was sure of her response and I hugged my mother to me tightly and let her love and hope wash over me.

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AN: So who guessed that was a dream at the beginning of the chapter? Anyone ready to throw things at me? LOL. I know I totally suck. Songspiration is "Secret" by Maroon 5 and it's in my profile. Leave me some love if you are so inclined!


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